ScoMo's mission to sell his budget took him to many a place previously unknown, including community radio station interviews.
DJ: Welcome to the studio.
Morrison: Happy to be here.
DJ: Straight to the point. We only use last names here. Okay, Morrison?
Morrison: Fine by me. Just don’t call me late for dinner! Ha ha!
DJ: Just as well this isn’t our comedy hour. Well, how was your big gig? Tuesday night in Canberra for a major gig — seems a strange choice. How was the turnout? Full house?
Morrison: Well it’s been on a Tuesday early in May for years now. It’s always well attended.
DJ: I’d imagine the publicity and promo would cost a fair bit of coin. Did you do some crowdfunding?
Morrison: Well, I did canvass many members of the public to see what they were thinking.
DJ: One of my favourites is Inarticulate Speech of the Heart.
Morrison: Yes?
DJ: Well.
Morrison: Well, er, if you’re alluding to my speaking in tongues, I would never do that on such a big occasion. Mind you, I believe we delivered so well I felt like letting go with a "Hallelujah!" every now and then.
DJ: Bright Side of the Road is another ripper. Can you tell me about that one?
Morrison: We needed to brighten up our message. Things are looking good and the "debt and deficit disaster" didn’t connect.
DJ: Debt and Deficit Disaster ... doesn’t ring a bell. When was it released?
Morrison: 2014.
DJ: Did it sink without a trace?
Morrison: Not quite, but I wouldn’t say it was a success.
DJ: Speaking of successes, Moondance was huge.
Morrison: After 2014, I think dancing on the big night is a no-no for someone in my position.
DJ: Yeh, I’m not much of a dancer myself. I’m a big fan of Blue Money.
Morrison: I don’t know about "blue" money, but we are looking at cracking down harder on black money.
DJ: Well that’s all we have time for. Thanks, Morrison. Happy for us to play Whenever God Shines His Light for your outro?
Morrison: Praise the Lord! I always say. Bye.
Aide: One more radio interview for the morning.
Morrison: Good. That last guy was weird. I don’t think he knew who I was.
Aide: I’m sure the next one will be more normal.
[At the next studio, Scott Morrison and his aide are greeted by an ageing hippy.]
DJ: Hey man. This is one hell of a surprise. Want a puff? Grew it myself. Good stuff.
Morrison: Thanks, but no thanks. I don’t smoke.
DJ: Whoa! You sure look and sound different to back then. When did you give up the weed? Still boozing? 45 years does change someone. When did you start losing your hair?
Morrison: I don’t think that’s relevant.
DJ: Okay, man. We’ll intro with Light My Fire then I’ll introduce you. Our listeners think it’s cool just using last names, so I’ll address you as Morrison, Okay?
Morrison: Whatever.
DJ: Okay. Here we go. [Light My Fire fades] Man! You are a surprise. One hell of a cat. Keeping such a low profile all this time. Now here you are, Morrison.
Morrison: I wouldn’t have thought I was a well-kept secret.
DJ: Man, this is so great. You’re here and revealing yourself to the world on my show. Gotta ask you, can we expect to see Elvis in the near future?
Morrison: That is a strange question. He’s dead. Why would you ask me that?
DJ: We all thought you were dead and buried.
Morrison: I’ve had a few political setbacks. We all do. Remember Howard’s "Lazarus" on a triple bypass?
DJ: Not really. I do know politics seeps into every area of life. Many a great band fucked up because of internal politics. Even fucked The Beatles.
Something I’ve always wanted to ask you. What about the bass?
Morrison: I think our core base will be very pleased with what we have come up with.
DJ: Good. The bass supports everything.
Morrison: I couldn’t agree with you more
DJ: Roadhouse Blues is still a big one.
Morrison: Now more than ever. I’m very concerned about the plight of all small businesses — and the many issues confronting all roadhouses around this country are a real concern.
DJ: Sorry, man. Seems we have to cut things short. Beiber is paying us a surprise visit. Fuck me dead. Morrison and Beiber in one day! Biggest muso I’d interviewed before today was Denise Drysdale. Mind if we outro you with The End?
Morrison: That’s the first thing I’ve heard all morning that makes sense.
Rocky Dabscheck is a musician/songwriter and front person for Rocky and The Two Bob Millionaires. He is also the author of Stoney Broke and The Hi-Spenders.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Australia License
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Hilarious and probably accurate
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