Satire Analysis

Poll suggests English tabloid readers believe sending King Charles to Australia a good idea

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King Charles III and Queen Consort Camilla pictured in more carefree times (Source: New Idea)

A new UK poll has discovered a visit from King Charles III to a colonial outpost might just be the ticket to ward off an Australian republic. Founder and publisher Dave Donovan reports.

ONE OF THE FUNNIEST things I have read in quite some time was an article in the British Daily Express entitled, ‘King urged to visit Australia to counteract Republican movement’.

At first blush, I thought it was another case of that devilish British talent for irony and sarcasm, then I recalled from my time in London that the Daily Express has never been a satirical publication and is a far more earthy read.

Indeed, I seem to recall that this tabloid is printed entirely on only slightly recycled toilet paper, with much of the previous copy being still easily legible in many of the articles.

Even reading this article online, I feel duty bound to warn readers not to read too far into it for quite obvious and sensible reasons of hygiene and good taste.

in fact, the following carefully copied, scrubbed and fumigated short intro to the “piece” is probably perfectly adequate for our purposes here today:

'King Charles urged to visit Australia to counteract the Republican movement – YOU VOTED'


Charles last toured Australia in April 2018 and readers support the idea of the monarch visiting the country to offset a growing Republican movement.


King Charles III will not replace his mother, Queen Elizabeth II, on Australia’s new five-dollar bill. The move comes amid growing debate surrounding the Commonwealth nation’s ties with the British Monarchy. An Australian culture historian suggested a visit from the King would help the relationship and almost two-thirds of readers agree he should make the trip down under, a new poll has found.

Dear reader, after you pick yourself up from the floor and calm your hysterics, allow me to articulate the mirth you must be feeling at reading that short quote, direct from the greasy, haddock-smeared chops of our beefy colonial overlords.

Firstly, it almost feels redundant to mention that this used bog paper seems to think that King Charles, one of the most unpopular people in the world, ever since he ditched the People's Princess, Diana, in favour of his long-term mistress, would prove to be a PR bonanza “down under”.

The idea that sending this person, whose most lucid moment thus far was being captured in a recording waxing lyrical about his fervent desire to moonlight as a certain feminine sanitary product, is a way of heading off a burgeoning tide of anti-monarchism in Australia is nothing short of surreal.

In a way, it’s really rather cute that a great many British people seem to have taken time out of their busy schedule, baring their arse cheeks at Europe and drinking gallons of tepid ale, to vote in a poll encouraging King Chuck to come down to Australia to kickstart this nation’s sputtering republican movement.

Thanks, soccer hooligans!

Secondly, what on Earth is an Australian culture historian? Surely it is almost impossible to write the history of something that barely exists? The mind boggles.

Finally, the idea of an almost entirely moribund colonial power in the final misty twilight of its existence, polling its domestic readers about how to cling on to the last feeble shreds of its influence in one of its distant dominions is, well… It’s exactly the reason, in fact, that Australia should immediately and without any hesitation, become a fully and truly independent nation.

The British can keep King Charles, along with a convenient supply of the Daily Express, right beside his throne.

IA founder and publisher David G Donovan is a former vice chair of the Australian Republican Movement. You can follow him on Twitter @davrosz. Also, follow Independent Australia on Twitter HERE, on Facebook HERE and on Instagram HERE.

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