America's number one cuddly couple recently were able to juggle their schedules to share a little downtime together.
DONALD: What is it now?
MELANIA: You know I think family is everything.
DONALD: Really?! Your shopping bills suggest otherwise.
MELANIA: My shopping is none of your business. It’s not like it is your money, anyway. If anyone should be upset, it’s Vlad.
DONALD: Don’t go on about it. Fake news. As fake as your breasts.
MELANIA: Speaking about breasts. I don’t like hearing of babies being ripped from their mother’s breast. Children being separated from their parents. It’s wrong, Donald. It’s wrong.
DONALD: The fact I’m POTUS is wrong. I was never meant to win. Brand enhancement was all I was after, to get me out of the shit I was in. Now, I’ve got all of this shit to deal with. And you’re lecturing me on right and wrong.
MELANIA: Have you heard of Lysistrata?
DONALD: I don’t believe it. You ask me a question like that?! I am the most famous property developer in the world. Of course, I know everything about strata. Strata title. You name a strata and I’ll give you the angle to work to your advantage.
MELANIA: Okay. Tell me about the angle you’d play for Lysistrata.
DONALD: Well, er, without going into too much detail, I’d use other people’s money, of course — preferably Mexican.
MELANIA: I’m glad you said Mexican. The little Mexican children must not be separated from their parents when they try to get into America.
DONALD: Nobody cares for kids more than I do. Especially Mexican kids. I want to build Trump kindergartens all across Mexico for them. Once the wall is built, with Mexican money, of course, I’ll use the extra I skim off the top to pay for some of the kindergartens myself.
MELANIA: Lysistrata was a Greek woman from long, long ago, who managed to end a war by convincing all the Greek women to stop providing sex for their husbands and lovers until their men stopped fighting in wars. That’s theLysi-strata.
DONALD: No fucking way.
MELANIA: The no fucking bit is right.
DONALD: No one hates war more than me. I love peace more than any leader the world has ever had, or will ever have. I’ve just come from having Kim shovel Kimchi down my gob until I thought I would explode. Plus, he insisted on calling me "Brother", and I told him I was most definitely not his brother. I put up with all of that for world peace and you’re telling me about some Nana Mouskouri who wouldn’t uncross her legs for a year!
MELANIA: I’m serious Donald. No sex from me until you allow the Mexican refugees to stay together in family units. No separating children from their parents.
DONALD: Oh. Really!
[Flicks through his diary]
I see we’ve got this month’s scheduled for tomorrow night.
MELANIA: Yes. If you agree, I’ll do the works. Lingerie, stilettos and gridiron shoulder pads.
DONALD: And I can wear my Babe Ruth Red Sox red socks?
MELANIA: If that’s what you want, as long as the families are kept together.
DONALD: It’s a deal. I’ll tweet it now and that will make it official.
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