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The three modern stooges: Boris, ScoMo and Trump

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Donald Trump: the want-to-be King of the U.S. (meme via Twitter by @LancelotLinkSpy).

Reminiscent of the Yalta meeting during WWII of three great world leaders, Donald Trump, Boris Johnson, and Australian Scott Morrison recently met.

Listen in as these three great world leaders chewed the fat.

Johnson: Donald. I’ve often marveled at how you do your comb over. Is it similar to origami in some way?

Morrison: Same here Donald. How good is your comb over! Fantastic.

Trump: You are both very good people. Excellent people. No one in the world knows more about combing hair than me. Even Elvis Presley didn’t come close to me when it came to comb-overs.

Despite my immense regard for both of you, Boris, possibly England’s greatest Prime Minister ever, and you, Scot, unquestionably Australia’s greatest Prime Minister ever, I can’t disclose my comb over technique.

Not even Melania knows how I do my comb-over. The only person I have shared my secret with is my little friend Kim Jong-Un. A great guy. Great hairstyle.

Johnson: But Donald. Have a look at me. My hairstyle. No other world leader has hair as similar to yours.

Morrison: How good would it be to have hair and how good are both of your coiffures!

Trump: Scott, you are a great guy; a really likeable great guy and please take this in the best way possible. The only comb over technique you will ever need to master, is combing your eyebrows back up over your head.

Morrison: How good would that be! If only I had John Howard’s eyebrows to work with, but even I can’t seriously say: how good are my eyebrows.

Johnson: Sorry to hurry things along, but I’ll really have to end this meeting soon, and there are some important things I need to discuss with you Donald. I can talk about the cricket and rugby with Scott later.

Morrison: Go the Sharks. How good is Cronulla!

Trump: Yes. I remember Cronulla and the proud nationalism on display there. A bit like our Charlottesville. Lots of good people on both sides. Very good people. That’s in Queensland, isn’t it Scott?

Morrison: Goodness no. It’s in New South Wales.

Trump: New South Wales you say. Actually, I want to talk to you about Queensland.

Johnson: Donald. Can I just ask you the one question first? I really want to leave as soon as I can.

Trump: In a minute Boris. Good things are worth waiting for. Back to Queensland.

Morrison: Yes, Donald.

Trump: Remember how I tried to buy Greenland recently?

Morrison: Yes. It was big news back home.

Johnson: Same in England. Knocked Brexit off the front page for a day.

Trump: Greenland. Queensland. Sounds the same. Can’t be too much different from each other. How much for Queensland? I’m serious. I’ll be happy to buy Queensland off you.

Morrison: Donald. I’m flattered you would consider buying Queensland, part of my country Australia. And how good is Australia! But it’s not for sale.

Trump: Rubbish. Name your price. Everything is up for sale if the price is right.

Morrison: No. Seriously Donald. Even if it was for sale, no way would I sell Queensland. I need Queensland. Without Queensland, I lose my gig.

Johnson: Donald, Scott. I’ll only take a minute. I’m desperate to leave.

Trump: In a minute Boris. Are you always in such a hurry? Scott. Are you sure Queensland isn’t on the table?

Johnson: Donald. Please. I’m serious. I’ve got to get out of here.

Trump: Nature calling?

Johnson: Nothing like that. I don’t like things going on for too long and I really need to leave.

Trump: OK. Boris. Because you’re a really good person, and I like you, what is it?

Johnson: Thanks. You’ve got some great connections in show biz. I need an Incredible Hulk costume for my next press conference.

Trump: Is that all? Of course. I’ll get my people to organize it for you.

Johnson: Can you get me the original costume used in the film?

Trump: For a great guy like you Boris. Of course I can.

Morrison: How good is the President of America!

Johnson: Thanks, Donald. I’ll be off now. Contact my people about where and when they can pick it up. Scott, see you at the Rugby World Cup.

(Johnson makes a hasty exit, leaving Trump and Morrison together)

Trump: You sure Queensland is not for sale?

Morrison: Not for sale, Donald. My party generally relies on it for us to have the numbers to form a government.

Trump: Oh, I see. Definitely not for sale no matter how high the offer?

Morrison: Not for sale, Donald.

Trump: Does that hold for the rest of Australia?

Morrison: Maybe. Maybe not.

Trump: Really?

Morrison: You can make an offer for Victoria.

Rocky Dabscheck is a musician/songwriter and front person for Rocky and The Two Bob Millionaires. He is also the author of 'Stoney Broke and the Hi-Spenders'.

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