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The ironic and phonetic future of Australia’s declining educational standards

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(Cartoon by Bruce Keogh / keoghcartoons.com.au)

‘Our descendants will be unable 2 join teh rest of teh world in teknologikal development, because they were not edyoukated enough, 2 even spell proparlee’, writes Sean Biggs.

TONEY ABERT wants 2 see wimmen treated like 2nd rate citizens, but he is a pale reflekshun of teh opinions held by a “majority” of teh voting populayshun. Teh sadest part of all this, is teh removal of ministerial posishuns, which represent akountabillytea in govurnmunt. Were our voting system not based on pre-determined preferences that give advantages 2 parties that form cemented alliances, we would not have backwards-assed shit-bucket wankers like Toney Abert come in2 powar.

Teh current system is an insult 2 all teh men and wimmen that fought and contenue 2 fight 4 our right 2 free-speech and right 2 vote 4 whichever person or party that we think is better. They did not fight 4 wankers like Toney Abert 2 get in2 powar on teh alliances’ total votes between each party, rather than party individual totals. If partys want 2 work 2gethar, let them do it without sharing powar. Teh politicians need 2 remember that they r supposed 2 help teh ppl, not themselves.

1 of teh ministerial positions removed by Toney Abert, was teh minister of science and resurtch. It is preposturus 2 think that without akountabillytea in this area, our cohntree can be considered a 1st world cohntree. So not only r our wimmen going 2 b treated like objects and 2nd class citizens by teh policies formulated by him and his merry band of misogynists, but our greatist minds r going 2 b wasted on pointless things: like curing hairloss and prolonging erekshuns, instead of curing cancer and prolonging life expectancies.

Teh biggest insult of all is that teh climate comishun is being disbanded. If less than half of teh populayshun voted 4 teh party in powar, what right do they have 2 remove something that more than teh other half of cohntree accepts as fact, not a mith. All teh hard work and preparayshun our nayshun has undertaken has been trampled in2 dust, along with any benifit our desendents would have enjoyed.

Speaking of benefits; let us not 4get how edukayshun will be affected by teh Coalition. They have squashed teh Gonski reforms, that would bring our cohntrees edyoukayshun standards up 2 par with teh rest of teh first world. Instead, they have injected 70millyun in2 publik school system 2 make them more like private schools, which are majority Catholic, some which even require parents 2 sign a form 4 enrolment that states that they agree that homosexuality is ‘an abuminayshun.’

Teh irony here, of course, is not teh discriminatory factor of teh govurnmunt, nor is it that they are screwing our descendants with a pillaged, overpopulated cohntree with low resource availability, but poor edyoukayshun resulting in low employment and in turn, growth prospects.

Teh govurnmunt is turning our future generayshuns in2 a majority of low-income earners that are unlikely 2 have teh edyoukayshun they need, 2 fill teh higher edyoukayshun jobs that our cohntree will require filled. These very jobs will have 2 be filled by immigrants with those specific skill sets – doctors, 4 example. Our descendants will be unable 2 join teh rest of teh world in teknologikal development, because they were not edyoukated enough, 2 even spell proparlee.

They’ll adapt, of course, as humans do; though it is likely they’ll spell difficult words out phonetically, just as this piece has.

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This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Australia License

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The ironic and phonetic future of Australia’s declining educational standards

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