In a major setback for transgender rights, Prime Minister Scott Morrison today placed a blanket ban on unisex toilets in Australia.
From the 1st of October, according to a Morrison Government press release, no Government department, business, house, flat, studio apartment or bush outhouse will be permitted to allow transgender people to use the same toilet as “normal” people.
In a press conference on Monday, Prime Minister Scott Morrison said this was a victory for all quiet, threatened and slightly scared Australians who had never progressed beyond the anal stage of psychosexual development.
The Labor Party criticised the decision with Anthony Albanese saying the policy announcement followed the usual process: the PM being told what to do by rightwing nutjobs in the media.
“Not at all,” smirked Prime Minister Morrison. “I have been contemplating this move ever since an incident at the Engadine McDonalds in 1997.”
“As I waited for an androgynous teenager to vacate the facilities, staring hopefully at the unisex sign, I vowed to one day make these foul abominations a skidmark on the jockstrap of history.”
“Incidentally,” the Prime Minister added, “that was also where I came up with my famous catchphrase, ‘have a go, to get a go’.”
“As I learnt that day, when you have to go, you’ve really gotta go!”
When asked how people with small houses could afford to fit extra toilets, the Prime Minister advised them to stop being so poor.
When questioned about this, Anthony Albanese replied, “I don’t care what he says, we think it’s a shitty policy.”
The Australian Plumbers Guild has welcomed the announcement enthusiastically.
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