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Peter Dutton's History of Australia

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Cartoon courtesy Bruce Keogh / keoghcartoons.com.au

Home Affairs Minister Peter Dutton, a great supporter of Independent Australia, was only too happy to discuss his new book, 'Peter Dutton's History of Australia'.

IA: Thank you, Minister. A very interesting and unique look at what has shaped our great nation.

DUTTON: I felt it was time many misconceptions should finally be put to rest. And, many half-truths are still being peddled.

IA: For instance?

DUTTON: The recent boat arrival of Sri Lankan illegals, which we intercepted in time — before they reached our shores. They’d obviously seen the pre-election polls and thought Labor was a shoo-in. But the PC Brigade will never allow that fact to be mentioned. They set sail before the election hoping to arrive by May 20.

IA: Interesting. Let’s look at your premise re Captain Cook.

DUTTON: Yes. Basically murdered by Labor.

IALabor? Labor didn’t exist back then. Australia didn’t exist as a nation back then!

DUTTON: Yes, but Cook, undeniably, was a man of vision. Why do you think he left for Hawaii so early? Not for the daiquiris and hula girls. No. He could see the havoc people like Bill Shorten, Kevin Rudd and Gough Whitlam would eventually wreak upon this nation. So off he scarpered as quickly as he could to Hawaii. And we all know what happened to him there.

IA: Fascinating ... Your appraisal of the Eureka Stockade is a real eye-opener.

DUTTON: We all know Peter Lalor organised the miners back then. He is recognised as a champion of Australian miners' rights. Lalor eventually became a politician on the conservative side of politics. Which party today champions the cause of Australian miners? The Liberal/National Coalition, that’s who.

And why did Peter Lalor galvanise the miners into the force they became? Simple. No taxation without negative gearing! He sensed what Labor would do if given an opportunity. This country was fortunate, then, to have people of Lalor’s vision. We still need people of similar vision. I will be happy to grant Gautum Adani Australian citizenship any day he wants it.

IA: Another surprising piece is your slant on the sabotaging of the cutting of the ribbon to open Sydney Harbour Bridge.

DUTTON: Yes. I know the popular myth. That Labor Premier Jack Lang was nobbled by a right-wing, monarchist nutter, Francis De Groot, who charged on horseback and cut the ribbon. Yes, that happened, but he was not a nutter. De Groot’s reason for doing what he did is exemplary. He was a true patriot.

Sure, the bridge was a good idea, but De Groot foresaw the need for effective tunnels to ameliorate future traffic congestion issues.

Look at what that idiot Dan Andrews is doing – or not doing – in Victoria. Putting the Khyber on the vital East West link. Labor has been crippling this nation of ours for centuries. It was an obvious protest at the lack of much-needed tunnel infrastructure, even back in 1932.

IA: I was fascinated by your take on Ned Kelly’s armour.

DUTTON: Yes. I acknowledge that as an ex-copper it is hard for me to say anything positive about Ned Kelly. But if I know something to be true, it must be given sunlight.

We all know what the Kelly Gang did, of which I do not approve, and what eventuated at their final shootout. My interest is with his armour.

Kelly, for all his faults, was a visionary and he could see what Labor intended to do with his superannuation. Fleece him dry. Rob him blind. Guarantee him an impoverished retirement. As misguided as Ned was, he was smart enough to make sure Labor would never get their hands on his superannuation. He had been welding a rock-solid safe – a vault in fact – where he could stash his money, safe from the clutches of Labor. Events of the day at the final shoot out altered his plans and the intended safe was refashioned into the body armour, still on display today.

IA: Wow! That’s amazing. On a more contemporary and lighter note, you have an explanation for Essendon’s shock loss to Carlton in the 1999 Preliminary Final — the same day Jeff Kennett was rolled as Victorian Premier?

DUTTON: We all know Kevin Sheedy was way more than just a coach to his players. As well as being a visionary, Sheedy was a mentor, a life skills coach and a great social observer.

He warned his players, before the game that day, of the perils of a Labor victory. Higher taxes, less money for private schools for their kids’ education. No future franking rights. His players were so stunned they went into their shells and, quite frankly, couldn’t perform on the day. Labor, again. You can blame Labor.

IA: I thought John Elliott, a major Liberal Party stalwart was Carlton’s president at that time? And Sheedy was a lad from Prahran Tech — traditional Labor territory?

DUTTON: Irrelevant. Alternative facts. Fake news. A fetid view of life.

IA: Indeed.

Rocky Dabscheck is a musician/songwriter and front person for Rocky and The Two Bob Millionaires. He is also the author of 'The (Real) Meaning of Life' and 'Stoney Broke and the Hi-Spenders'.

You can purchase Rocky's books, 'The (Real) Meaning of Life'  here and 'Stoney Broke and the High Spenders' from the IA store here. The CD '42/68', by Rocky and the Two Bob Millionaires is also available from the IA store here.

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