LOGIN SHOP
Audio News

Outgoing NSW Premier Gladys 'The Great' Berejiklian joins 'Insniders'

By | | comments |
(Image by Dan Jensen)

In an ABC 'Insniders' exclusive, outgoing New South Wales Premier Gladys Berejiklian shares her reasons for resigning and what the future holds for the trailblazing leader yet unlucky woman in love, who saved Australia.

Well, I don’t want to give too much away, David, but I will say this: after I pop down to Officeworks and pick up a bigger shredder, I may or may not be moving to Canberra to take up a front bench seat in my dear, dear friend Scotty’s Government.

~ Outgoing NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian

Listen on Spotify HERE:

TRANSCRIPT

(Advertisement for Intimate Care and Connection Dating Service plays)

DAVID SKYNEWS: Our special guest on Insniders this week needs no introduction… so instead I’m going to give her a shameless plug.

We offer a warm welcome this morning to the woman who singlehandedly put out all the bushfires started by those nasty firebug koalas, cured COVID (pretty much) and, in short, whose tireless efforts singlehandedly saved Australia.

Good morning to the universally esteemed trailblazer, the honourable, utterly above reproach, gold standard ‒ well, I dream of showering her in gold, at any rate – Premier Gladys “The Great” Berejiklian.

Madame Premier, welcome to Insniders.

GLADYS BEREJIKLIAN: Good morning to you dear David. Forgive me if my usual gold standard of presentation is a bit brassier than usual.

DAVID SKYNEWS: If it helps, I’m happy to rub you up to a gleaming shine anytime.

But before I happily polish you off, let’s talk about the darkest of days of my otherwise sun-filled career, on the day you (stutters) re…res…resigned as Premier of the nation of New South Wales. Madame Berejiklian, why did you step down? Why?!

GLADYS BEREJIKLIAN: Well, It was a dark day, indeed, David, but as I’m sure you know by now, those evil ICAC people and their lefty bully friends cancelled me, just like they do with everything that’s beautiful, just and true.

DAVID SKYNEWS: Disgraceful! They should be investigated. In fact, as I’ve already said, I myself will be exploring the criticism of ICAC on this and all my other shows, in all my columns and in all the shows and columns of all my mainstream media friends. I mean, it’s just plain bullying.

But, (breathes deeply,) let me compose myself, Madame Premier — I mean Madame Berejiklian (pauses).

Okay… Now, some have said you were not compelled to resign but only to stand aside. What do you say to them?

GLADYS BEREJIKLIAN: Well, David, let me just say, if I was to simply stand aside as ICAC investigates all my blatant rorting, I mean … my alleged indiscretions, before I am obviously cleared of any and all wrongdoing and given a special commendation from the Queen, then the timing would just be off, obviously. I mean, as it stands, I leave as a trailblazer, as the woman who saved, well everybody really. I mean, I don’t like to brag, David, as you know—

DAVID SKYNEWS: Never!

GLADYS BEREJIKLIAN: That’s right. But not only did I beat all those other states with my incredible and inspiring grip on power during the beastly, horrid, ghastly virus plague by shutting down all the non-Liberal local government areas and harassing their residents into oblivion and suicide, but I actually beat all the other countries in the world with my superlative management of the worst pandemic, ever!

DAVID SKYNEWS: Indeed, Madame Berejiklian, no one else had to face that nasty Delta variant. Or enforced harsher lockdowns — not anywhere in the world.

GLADYS BEREJIKLIAN: That’s right, David. And so, I say, this enforced resignation, which I was harassed into by ICAC, well it could not occur at a worse time.

DAVID SKYNEWS: You mean because the state will be opening up, even though not everyone is vaxxed, contact tracing has been abandoned, there are still thousands of new COVID cases, hospitals are overrun and people are dying?

GLADYS BEREJIKLIAN: No. I mean because I couldn’t get any grants administered to my new non-dodgy boyfriend, my boo-boo Arthur’s personal businesses. He’s quite miffed that Daryl – a terrible error in judgement for which I take full responsibility as a woman unlucky in love – received millions in government funding but poor Boo-Boo has missed out.  As I said, it’s just dreadful, dreadful timing.

DAVID SKYNEWS: Understandable, of course. Very bad timing, indeed. And what will you do now, your eminence?

Well, It was a dark day, indeed, David, but as I’m sure you know by now, those evil ICAC people and their lefty bully friends cancelled me, just like they do with everything that’s beautiful, just and true.

~ Outgoing NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian

GLADYS BEREJIKLIAN: Well, can I just say, David, that even though ICAC has chosen to take this action during the most challenging weeks of the most challenging times in the state’s most challenging history, I am looking forward to the next challenge.

DAVID SKYNEWS: Challenge accepted! Can you give our listeners who are waiting with bated breath a clue about what comes next for the reincarnated female Messiah?

GLADYS BEREJIKLIAN: Well, I don’t want to give too much away, David, but I will say this: after I pop down to Officeworks and pick up a bigger shredder, I may or may not be moving to Canberra to take up a front bench seat in my dear, dear friend Scotty’s Government.

DAVID SKYNEWS: That’s wonderful news! Have you decided to go into Federal politics so you can continue to help navigate the nation's pandemic management plan?

GLADYS BEREJIKLIAN: Yeah, sure. And also because there’s no federal ICAC. (Laughs maniacally)

DAVID SKYNEWS: (Laughs) Oh, Madame Berejiklian, you are indeed a blazetrailer. Thank you so much for gracing us with your presence and obvious allure.

GLADYS BEREJIKLIAN: My pleasure, David.

DAVID SKYNEWS: That, of course, was the most amazing premier ever in the history of premiers, right there. And now, in stunning breaking news, stay tuned after the break as we speak to Peta Credlin about the worst Premier ever, Victorian Labor leader Dan Andrews…
...And also about outgoing NSW Deputy Premier Mr John Barilaro.

(Advertisement for Porkerbarrelo Paper Shredders plays)

You can also listen on YouTube HERE:

Written and performed by Michelle PiniDavid Donovan and Dan JensenTheme music by Rocky Dabscheck.

Follow on Twitter, IA managing editor Michelle Pini @vmp9, founder and director Dave Donovan @davrosz, and digital editor Dan Jensen @danjensenmovies. Follow Independent Australia on Twitter @independentaus and on Facebook HERE.

Support independent journalism Subscribe to IA.

Related Articles

 
Recent articles by Michelle Pini
How Murdoch manipulates the climate of Australian politics

News Corp suddenly promoting climate change action is just another example of how ...  
EDITORIAL: How Murdoch manipulates the climate of Australian politics

News Corp suddenly promoting climate change action is just another example of how ...  
Friendlyjordies and the NSW Government’s demise

The resignations of the Premier and Deputy Premier of NSW, blaming ICAC and Frie ...  
Join the conversation
comments powered by Disqus

Support IAIndependent Australia

Subscribe to IA and investigate Australia today.

Close Subscribe Donate