Following Saturday’s shock election result, which saw a Labor Party win of landslide proportions, it has been revealed former Liberal Party Prime Minister Scott Morrison has secretly appointed himself the new leader of the ALP.
After a brief hiatus from politics during which the hands-on politician took a well-earned break from his five portfolios, in Hawaii, Mr Morrison told IA he was pleased to be back in the top job:
“Fair dinkum, I’ve missed this place! And now Australians have given us a mandate to get going with all the policies the Coalition — sorry, I mean Labor took to the election. How good is Australia?”
The new, albeit self-appointed PM, then elaborated on his key priorities in the top job:
Well first and foremost, we’ll be cutting 40,000 jobs from the public service.
Then we’ll get to work getting every electorate a brand spanking new nuclear reactor, starting with Dickson, of course.
And I’ll just take this opportunity to thank Peter Dutton for keeping the seat warm for me and also for his gracious concession speech. Onya, mate.
PM Morrison then added:
“Where was I? Oh yes, thirdly, we will be doing away with all the 'woke' Welcome to Country nonsense and, you know, just making Australia great again... Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some new curry recipes I want to try out on the ALP caucus.”
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