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Morrison douses the public's flames of discontent

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Cartoon by Mark David/@mdavidcartoons.

Prime Minister Scott Morrison, eager to set the record straight about his recent trip away, opens up in a tell-all interview.

Journalist: Welcome home Prime Minister.

Scott Morrison (ScoMo): And may I say how good is it to be back home, and how good is Australia!

Journalist: If Australia is that good why did you feel the need to holiday away from Australia?

ScoMo: I didn’t. It was never my intention to holiday offshore, so to speak. I was as shocked as you to hear I was not in Australia, but was actually in Hawaii.

Journalist: You’re kidding!

ScoMo: No, I never kid when it has to do with anything Australia. I was truly gobsmacked when I heard the news I was in Hawaii.

Journalist: You’re our Prime Minister. How can something like that happen?

ScoMo: Easy. I’d had a wonderful, but full-on year. In fact, a year full of miracles, and how good are miracles!

Jenny suggested we all go on a family holiday for a few days, and when my wife talks, I listen. So I thought, how good is this, my wife suggesting a holiday? I left all the arrangements up to her.

Journalist: So, then what happened?

ScoMo: We were driven to the airport. I nod off in the car, tired from the year I’d had. Get on the plane. I’m asleep before you can organize the first movie you’re going to watch. Get off the plane, still in a daze, tired from such a full workload for months on end. Get to the hotel. Wake up the next day, put the shorts and cap on and say to the missus, how good is Byron Bay! Dinkum, I thought I was in Byron Bay.

Journalist: Byron Bay! For God sake. You weren’t even in Australia You were in Hawaii. How?

ScoMo: I told you. I slept the whole way on the flight over, recovering from an intense unbroken episode of roll the sleeves up work. Had no idea I’d been asleep for so long.

Have you ever been to Byron Bay? Fair dinkum, it’s a doppelganger for Hawaii. Same everything, except for the occasional Stars and Stripes flapping from a flag pole. When I saw the Stars and Stripes, I looked around, turned to the missus, and said, Jenny, "Where the bloody hell am I?” Jenny said Hawaii.

Journalist: So what did you do?

ScoMo: I thought, how good is Hawaii? Not as good as Byron Bay, but good, and decided to make the most of it.

Journalist: How did you feel when you became aware of the multitude of bushfires ravaging Australia?

ScoMo: Terrible of course. And then I thought, ScoMo, put your marketing hat back on and turn it into a positive.

Journalist: Turn it into a positive?

ScoMo: Yes. Australia, the land of the great outdoor barbecue. Australia, a nation on fire after 29 years of unbroken economic growth. How good is that?

Journalist: That is not particularly understanding of the plight the Australian people, flora and fauna were suffering due to the ferocity and destructive force of the bushfires.

ScoMo: God works in a mysterious way, and how good is God! In particular, how good is Jesus!! If God has a plan, who are we to doubt it?

Journalist: That flies in the face of the Q and A footage of you criticising Christine Nixon for having gone out to dinner the night of the devastating Victorian bushfires of 2009.

ScoMo: Wasn’t me. Fake news. I’ve seen the footage. It’s not me. It was only 10 years ago, and I look at least 20 years older than the person pretending to be me in that footage. I’d never begrudge any Australian taking a night off home cooking to taste the delights of a good restaurant meal.

Marie Antionette said “let them eat cake,” I say, about my fellow Australians, "let them eat at restaurants".

Q and A wasn’t me. Fake news. In fact, when I first heard reports of Australia’s bushfires from the ABC I thought it was more fake news spread by leftist, agnostic liars. It was only when I heard reports from 2GB’s coverage of the fires that I realized it wasn’t fake news.

May I finish by saying, it is only because of the Morrison Coalition Government that I am able to hope all my fellow Australians enjoyed a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. If we were currently suffering the tyranny of a Federal Labor government they would have scrapped and banned Christmas for being politically incorrect.

Now off to the mall for a bit of shopping to kick start our economy in the new year. Especially you cashed up New South Wales volunteer firefighters. How good is my Government!!!! Once those firefighters can get away from the fires, and make it to the mall, it will make Rudd's post-GFC bonus look like pocket money.

Rocky Dabscheck is a musician/songwriter and front person for Rocky and The Two Bob Millionaires. He is also the author of 'Stoney Broke and the Hi-Spenders'.

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