Malcolm turns 30

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(Image via DonkeyHotey / Flickr)

Malcolm Bligh Turnbull, ever fond of attention, especially from the media, happily invited IA to his 30th birthday bash. Here is his speech, in full, as recorded by our intrepid reporter Rocky Dabscheck.


LUCY AND I thank all of you very, very much, for helping us to celebrate this most exciting day for me, my 30th birthday.

I must admit to having experienced moments of trepidation approaching this exciting but challenging time. 30. 30! No longer a young man. Many of my boyhood dreams, I now accept, shall forever remain unrealised.

I have to acknowledge I will never captain the Australian Cricket Team. At 30 years of age – and never having played in the First XI of a grade club – what hope do I have of leading our country into an Ashes series? About the same chance, my dear friend, Tony Abbott – and thank you for coming today, Tony – has of winning a Tour de France. In other words, none.

Many negative things can happen to us once we reach 30. No longer young, yet not quite mature enough to be taken seriously. Take my good mate, Kevin Andrews. A great cycling partner of Tony’s, yet he is never really taken seriously when he puts his hand up for the top position where he works. Wait till you’re older, you’re only 30. Wait till you’re in your mid-40s, is all he hears.

To prove my point, I’ve heard both Kevin and Tony get by, cycling together in their lycra, on stationary bikes, in front of a telly, watching as the Tour de France unfolds, fantasising they are actually riding for a team. They know, though, that at 30, they are too old to take up cycling as a career.

As for me, I can’t really say 30 is the new 20. At 20 you are still a callow youth. My hope is 40 is the new 30. Getting on a bit, but still in my prime.

Lucy and I do want to thank you for your decorum. We well remember Tony’s wild 30th. Dancing on tables, shirts off, broken furniture. The liquor cupboard drunk dry. A guest ending up on crutches. Speaking of that, Jamie makes his apologies for not being here today.

I must say thank you for the wonderful gifts. Some great mates of ours – Tony, Kevin, Eric, Craig, Barnaby and George – all chipped in and have shouted Lucy and me a week at the wonderful Hazelwood Hotel Motel, by the foot of the Strezlecki Ranges. How exciting is that?! I know the town has been renamed Churchill, but I prefer its original name, Hazelwood.

And, as an added touch, they have included two wonderful books for Lucy and me to read during our Hazelwood honeymoon. A recently discovered cookbook written by Sir John Monash, Cooking with Ginger; plus, The Wandering Pole: The life of Pawel Strezlecki. I see from what’s written on the back sleeve, Strezlecki was so impressed with the Latrobe Valley region, he encouraged many friends from his home country to emigrate there.

It appears that all up 30, including Pawel, chose to start a new life in the Latrobe Valley — and they profoundly shaped the development of the region. Collectively, they are referred to as "The 30 Poles". What an exciting story! I can’t wait to read it.

Now, enjoy yourselves. Have fun. I’ll happily take a selfie with each and every one of you. But, please remember, no dancing on the tables. I don’t want a repeat of what happened on Tony’s 30th.

Rocky Dabscheck is a musician/songwriter and front person for Rocky and The Two Bob Millionaires. He is also the author of 'Stoney Broke and the Hi-Spenders'.

You can purchase Rocky's book, 'Stoney Broke and the High Spenders' from the IA store here. The CD '42/68' by Rocky and the Two Bob Millionaires is also available from the IA store here.

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