Mick and the boys meet a sharp-dressed man with a cunning plan to get out of work.
Patches of perspiration had young Simon’s shirt clinging to his upper body. He ran the schooner across his forehead and closed his eyes for a moment before joining the group who shared a certain vintage.
“You old blokes must be feeling this heat. I admire your stamina coming out when the temperature is over 30°C.”
A few shakes of the head and numerous "tut-tuts" before Know-All Ron sucked in a deep breath.
“Come off it, Simon. You need to toughen up a bit. When I was your age, we did not take our jumpers off until the thermometer hit 30°C. When it hit 35°C we might slap on some coconut oil, head off to the local pool for a swim and a sun bake.”
Ron paused and rubbed his sun-spotted cheek, took a sip and eyeballed Simon’s shirt.
“And we would be wearing singlets under our shirts.”
Various nods of agreement before Mick cleared his throat.
“Listen up, Simon. Back in the day, real heat was when you could hang a couple of slices of bread and some bacon on the clothesline, crack an egg alongside a billy of tea on the back step and within minutes breakfast would be served.”
Mick paused for a sip and a half smile.
“And that was well before the big heat in the middle of the day when you could put a leg of lamb on that very step…”
Mick was silenced as all eyes trained on the patron in the buttoned-up three-piece suit with a tie tightly knotting his throat, wending his way towards them.
A long pause followed the introductions.
Young Simon tapped his chin and gently bit his bottom lip.
“I’ve just got to ask you, mate... Why wear a three-piece suit and a fully knotted tie in this weather? It is a furnace outside.”
The suited patron straightened his back and took a generous sip.
Well, Simon... I have a boss whose office is near the entrance of our workplace and his door is always open — and I mean that literally. He likes to keep a very close eye on his staff. Now… you see… very early in my employment, I noticed he would take little notice if one of my colleagues walked past without a coat. He would assume they were going to the toilet or the tea room.
Simon raised an eyebrow.
“Well… that is a fair assumption. You do not need a coat to get a cup of tea.”
The suited patron lowered his voice.
“However, if colleagues walk past wearing a coat or even carrying coats, our boss assumes they are heading out of the office and takes a very keen interest in the time, checks the office diary or even questions other staff about the intended whereabouts of the fully suited colleagues.”
Simon screwed his eyes.
“Once again, a fair assumption. I guess the boss is mindful of his staff wasting time or even skipping off early.”
The suited patron clicked his tongue.
“To counter such accountability, I wear a full suit all the time at work. I never take my coat off at any stage during the day. When I walk past the boss’s office, he takes very little interest in me. He more than likely just assumes I am going to the toilet or the tea room... when, in fact, I am down here having a beer with you blokes.”
John Longhurst is a former industrial advocate and political adviser. He currently works as an English and History teacher on the South Coast of NSW.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Australia License
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