When your family visits at Christmas

Bazza tries to save Mick from a meltdown... the family is entertaining 'permanent' ideas about this year's Christmas visit.

“Oi! Over here, Bazza.”

Bazza blinked a couple of times to adjust his eyes to the dim light and wended his way to the back corner of the pub.

After a decent sip of the offered schooner, he raised both eyebrows at Mick.

“We have to changespots in the pub, Bazza, just in case the brother-in-law walks by the front window. His family are staying with us over summer but no exit date has been discussed. It is making me a tad anxious.”

“Ahh… that would be the family from Newtown, Mick. I always knew that would be a challenge for you these holidays.”

Bazza, they are usually the last to arrive before Christmas and the first to leave but the cost of living crisis has changed all that.

They have not been away for 12 months. I should have twigged when they unpacked the latest model coffee maker with enough fair trade beans to see us through to next Christmas, cartons of soy and almond milk, organic muesli, a rice cooker with four settings, designer mineral water, cases of inner-city craft beer, Newtown distilled gin, a smoker for our barbecue, their preferred 1,500 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets…

The exhausting pre-Christmas period of parties and socialising

For many of us, the pre-Christmas period is about fulfilling social obligations to attend frivolous parties rather than to spend time with loved ones.

Bazza interrupted with a chuckle.

They even brought a bloody air purifier… Do you believe it? An air purifier… for down here! And then the kids unpack every latest electronic gizmo. I regret giving out the wifi password as we have used up about three months' worth of internet.

As well, their idea of outdoor entertainment is to fly the drone they got last Christmas, which sets off every dog in the street. Bazza… there is a level of 'permanency' to this visit which I just don’t like.

They both took long sips. Mick’s eyes skirted the bar.

“On top of all that, Bazza, the brother-in-law has struck up a friendship with the neighbour — another blow-in from Sydney. I’ve hardly ever spoken to this bloke but it’s now glasses of Chardonnay and discussions about fringe theatre until midnight!”

“Well, Mick… you need to take them out and about a bit.”

Mick shook his head.

“I tried that, Bazza. I took the lot of them to the beach for a swim. The parents put sunscreen and zinc cream on the kids every 15 minutes. The kids would not go in the water because they reckon it’s full of sharks and then spent the whole time making TikToks on the beach.”

The dehumanising, modern-day shopping experience

We have been made to work through the prevalence of "self-service", writes John Longhurst.

Mick paused for a sip of his schooner.

I followed up with a trip to the local club for lunch. The brother-in-law asks about membership, which causes me immediate concern. Anyhow… the parents query whether the chicken is free-range and the salad organic. They try to order some French Beaujolais vintage and are quite shocked when it is not available. I mean… it’s the local bloody club.

Mick openly sighed.

“I tell you, Bazza. I am going to be spending a bit more time in the pub.”

They both finished their schooners in silence just as a thin man with a barista beard, black tee shirt and tight black jeans strolled over in his Doc Marten boots with three schooners.

“Ahhhh… there you are, Mick. And you must be Bazza. Why didn’t you tell me they had a craft beer brewed in Newtown on tap at this pub, Mick? It’s a bloody good reason to stay a bit longer.”

John Longhurst is a former industrial advocate and political adviser. He currently works as an English and history teacher on the South Coast of NSW.