Gladys goes to dinner at Brad Hazzard's

NSW Health Minister Brad Hazzard invited his Premier, Gladys Berejiklian, to dine at his home together with his wife, Nicole, and two of her young nieces.

HAZZARD: I want tonight to go smoothly, dear. Gladys is under heaps of pressure and needs a good nosh-up.

NICOLE: Yes dear, I know.

NIECE 1: What’s for dinner, Auntie N?

HAZZARD: Quite frankly, I regard that as a ridiculous question at this time. Can’t you see your Auntie N is very busy preparing an important meal and she should not have to leave her important and pressing duties just to answer your unnecessary questions?

NIECE 1: I just want to know what we’re having for dinner.

NICOLE: It’s okay, Brad. I can answer.

HAZZARD: No, dear. I am the head of this household and I’ll determine what is answered and by whom.

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NIECE 2: Is it chicken, Auntie N?

HAZZARD: Don’t answer, dear. (Turning to Niece 2.) And why would it be chicken? Are you a little socialist racist?

NIECE 2: I don’t know what that means. Chicken is my favourite meal.

HAZZARD: Oh, that’s alright then. It’s enough that auntie and I know what we’re having. For you young ones, it can be a surprise.

NIECE 1: Can you at least tell me when it will be ready? I’m hungry.

NICOLE: Soon. Not long to...

HAZZARD: That’s enough, Nicole. Girls, it will be ready when it’s ready. That’s all you need to know.

(The doorbell rings. Hazzard makes his way to the front door posthaste, opens it and greets Gladys.)

HAZZARD: Gladys. Premier. So good to see you.

GLADYS: Mmm. Brad. Smells good. Here’s a bottle of Grange, to help the dinner go down tonight.

(Hazzard takes the bottle of Grange and inspects it with admiration.)

HAZZARD: Wow. Where did you get this?

GLADYS: Don’t ask. (Noticing the girls.) Who are these two cuties?

HAZZARD: They’re Nicole’s nieces.

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(Nicole enters.)

GLADYS: Hi, Nicole. Wonderful to see you. I just love your outfit. The food smells great. What’s for dinner?

NICOLE: I’ve prepared an Armenian feast in your honour, Premier.

GLADYS: Enough with the formalities. “Gladys” is fine.

NICOLE: Gladys it is. Dolma; Lavash; Boerag; Manti; Tjuik; Apricot pastries.

GLADYS: You have been busy! Sounds wonderful.

(Nicole retires to the kitchen, adding final touches to the meal. Brad and Gladys chit-chat. The nieces play a game on their phones and become quite animated.)

HAZZARD: Girls! Please.

GLADYS: What game are you playing girls?

NIECE 1: It’s called Shooting Ducks. You have to shoot down ducks as they randomly fly in the sky.

GLADYS: Really? Have you ever been shooting at a range?

NIECE 1: No.

GLADYS: How would you enjoy a session at a shooting gallery?

NIECE 1: Yes, please.

NIECE 2: Me, too.

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GLADYS: Wonderful. I’ll arrange a session for both of you and Brad at the Clay Target Association Centre in Wagga Wagga.

NIECE 1: Thank you, thank you, thank you.

HAZZARD: That’s very generous of you, Premier.

GLADYS: Oh, you know me, Brad.

NICOLE: Dinner’s ready.

(Hazzard grabs the bottle of Grange, He and Gladys make their way to the dinner table.)

HAZZARD: Girls, have you washed your hands?

NIECE 1: Not yet.

HAZZARD: Well, go and do that now. No wash, no dinner.

(The girls head off to the bathroom.)

GLADYS: Brad, you really are an excellent Health Minister. Encouraging good habits.

HAZZARD: I try to do my best, Gladys.

(The girls return.)

NIECE 1: There wasn’t any soap. We couldn’t wash our hands.

NICOLE: Really? Brad, you were meant to bring some home tonight.

HAZZARD: Not my fault. Not enough supplies. Panic buying meant the supermarket was bare of soap.

NICOLE: Okay, girls. You can still wash your hands.

NIECE 2: But there’s no soap.

NICOLE: You can still wash your hands with warm water.

NIECE 1: We’ve always been told our hands aren’t really clean unless we use soap and water.

GLADYS: This time I think it’s okay to listen to Auntie.

NICOLE: Speaking of listening to good advice. Gladys, Brad told me what your very favourite is, so I’ve cooked up a delicious entrée of pork kebab for you.