Getting a beer from the fridge in record time — it's all about 'fluid' motion

Bazza and Mick discuss the perils of going to the fridge on a whim without the "proper technique".

Bazza wended his way through a packed front bar with patrons swapping Olympic Games expertise quicker than stockbrokers making trades on the floor in a bull market.

One group focused on the athletics and technical language punctuated the conversation with "bell laps", "false starts", "splits", "staggered starts" and ‘throwing circles".

One patron’s clumsy reenactment, with self-commentary, of Matthew Denny’s discus throw to claim a bronze medal left Bazza smiling.

Gathered beneath endless replays of the Olympic swimming finals on television, another group paid homage to "dolphin kicks", "drag suits", "gravity waves", "negative splits", "latex suits" and "warm-down pools".

Other patrons had watery eyes as they experienced a Cathy Freeman Moment (CFM) on replays of Jessica Fox — not only winning two gold medals in the kayak but also jumping in the water to celebrate her younger sister, Noemie’s win in the Women’s Slalom KX-1.

Aussie antics in the swimming pool pure gold

Bazza drops a bomb of Olympic proportions during a catch-up with mates at the pub.

Bazza finally reached the bar table and winced as he straightened his back and sighed.

Raised eyebrows all round as Bazza screwed his eyes.

“Sorry, I am a little late. I am in a fair bit of pain. I was lying on the couch watching the swimming, got up to go to the fridge and somehow injured my back and neck.”

Rubbing chins and follow-up questions to Bazza before Know All Ron cleared his throat.

Ahh Bazza… As Ian Thorpe said, ‘the majority of you has to be on your back’ when you get up off the couch. It is what cost the Canadian swimmer third place in the 200-metre individual medley and delivered our very own Kaylee McKeown a bronze medal on disqualification. It explains your crook back.

The odd"maybe" before Young Simon stepped forward.

No… I think Bazza needs to follow the USA gymnast, Simone Biles and the manner in which she dismounts the beam. It’s all about preparation and practice over a long period of time. You need to stretch and prepare your body in a similar way before dismounting the couch.

You cannot just get up and go to the fridge, at whim, without a technique. You do not have to complete the routine to music but it is important to perfect the landing from the couch.

The good the bad and the ugly

Bazza and Mick chuckle over today's news cycle, likening it to the good ole days of free-to-air television.

Mick leaned in and asked a few more technical questions before clicking his tongue.

I really do not think the injury has been caused by the dismounting of the couch. The problem is the movement from couch to fridge. Firstly, you need to work on a strategy to get to the fridge in the quickest possible manner… something you are more than capable of achieving.

Mick went on.

Think about your start and the steps involved. However, I believe your problem is linked to your eagerness to open the fridge door and the stress it has put on your back. A more fluid motion using your core muscles will prevent further injury, Bazza.

Bazza took a long sip.

“Crikey, Mick… you have it covered.”

Mick grinned.

“Bazza… I can get from the couch to the fridge and back in 7.03 seconds in a routine that would be judged a ten if such an event was included at the Olympics.”

John Longhurst is a former industrial advocate and political adviser. He currently works as an English and History teacher on the South Coast of NSW.