Focus on King's cancer, not on mass deaths in Palestine

Britain is aghast today at the sudden possibility of one royal old person dying.

News that the British King has cancer and may, at some point, (given adequate access to food, potable water, electricity, medicine, safe living conditions and remedial health care) pass away slightly earlier than comparable aged persons – given his advanced age – has rocked the nation. Around the globe, the story has gathered momentum and has been featured on virtually every media outlet available.

Leaders around the world have expressed their profound sympathy.

All over Britain, journalists have pulled themselves away from other trivial, less newsworthy stories to focus on a single royal person facing the impending possibility of feasibly passing away at some undetermined future date — although he was probably going to pass away fairly soon anyway, given that the Queen waited so awfully long and that he is already pretty old now.

Nevertheless, politicians have interrupted their busy schedules in order to fully address what can only be described as a major international crisis of epic proportions that fully deserves global attention and sympathy.

A Palace source stated:

“We have already had the Queen pass away recently at 96 years old, so this may mean a total of 1 + 1 more = 2 royal personages passing away at relatively advanced ages amidst a stable, safe environment of professional, curative, round-the-clock medical attention."

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The conservative government is today asking themselves what further measures might be undertaken to prevent or ameliorate such an impending tragedy, given that they are a Christian nation with a deep moral code.

What could be organised or arranged to avoid this one singular, lone, statistical risk of a royal person perhaps getting sick and then slipping away in comfortable conditions two or even three years earlier than predicted? How can the nation ensure that the King has adequate food and medicine to face his daily challenges?

Britain’s Prime Minister Rishi Sunak announced in a crisis meeting:

“Fortunately, we are well aware of the dangers here. We need to monitor the situation lest conditions grow worse for him in his fully monitored environment. We need to pull all stops and address the crisis now. We must stop twiddling our thumbs and making weak excuses when we all know what is at stake here.”

Recent stories have focused on Sunak’s weekly fasting regime, which looks really cool and fun to try.

Questions have arisen as to who the best caregiver would be to monitor the royal personage around the clock.

“Mate, I’ll do it,” replied Najib, a 34-year-old homeless Palestinian father of three who lost most of his family in a bomb attack which blew the legs off his children. He is now homeless along with 2.3 million other Palestinians and watching his children slowly starve to death.

Sadly his wife, giving birth to their newest child without the benefit of an anaesthetic, lies crushed beneath the dust and rubble of a hospital, just next to a school, along with an estimated 10,000 other children.