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'Not in my backyard': Sale of tacos under-regulated in the U.S.

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The Republican Party has stifled gun law reform for decades (image by DonkeyHotey via Flickr)

Once again, America, Mexicans have wandered about the streets thinking that they can simply go ahead and sell tacos to hungry people.

You can’t just decide to sell tacos like that, not here in 'Murica. No, not at all, you would need to undergo a rigorous process of certification, safety checks and documentation to ensure the total safety of our general public at all times. Yes, the sale of tacos is heavily restricted.

We can’t just allow nutjobs out here on the streets with tacos because innocent people will get hurt.

Let me warn you, that the regulation process is lengthy and highly demanding.

In order to operate a taco stand on our streets, you will need to firstly register your cart with the Department of Transportation and then have it safety inspected.

Look, we are not going to permit hot oils dripping randomly about. Then, obtain food handling permits from the Department of Health, file for an LP gas permit from the Fire Department, apply to the city for a business licence, get full insurance coverage and don’t forget to set and legally document your supplier contracts.

This may include background checks but that is for us to know and for you to find out.

We can’t just permit any loose unit out here with tacos. People might get hurt. Innocent people going about their business might suffer bacterial infections or gastroenteritis. Virtually anything could happen.

Because Uncle Sam learns from his mistakes. We had all this, during the French cheese years. Yes, you heard me, rampant unregulated French cheeses circulating freely on our streets. That time when any old random could sell us blue cheese with little or no certification.

No safety checks, one page of documentation, just pay your money and there they were out there on the street with their French cheese. Not even age restrictions in some states. Just sign one page and pay your money to some old bearded dude with a tooth missing. Children as young as five with their own French cheese walking about unsupervised in public areas.

For decades, America was like a frontier country where undocumented gourmands, cuisiniers and hormonal, basement-dwelling teenagers were permitted to circulate, unchecked, unlicensed and undocumented, with any variety of distinctive French cheese.

They weren’t just on our backstreets, laden with enticing varieties such as Crottin de Chavignol (with its dark hues and strong flavour) or Pouligny-Saint-Pierre (a delicious goat cheese from the Loire Valley), but they were brazenly selling it in the market as if it was everyone’s God-given right to just mill about armed with heavily specialised cheeses.

What were you thinking America? What do you think this is, World War III or something?

Don’t think you are getting away with Pommes Aligot, a delicate mixture of potatoes and French cheese here in America. Not in my backyard.

People were even marketing French cheese directly to our children, through video games!

Don’t think we will just sit here watching the delicate fabric of society rent asunder by the unregulated violence and mayhem that French cheese would wreak on our schools. Imagine the carnage this could cause, were children to be affected by an uncomfortable yet temporary bacterial infection, were that cheese to be taken from the pantry and then negligently left out in the sun for too long. 

Even worse, to witness our children bloated from simply stuffing themselves with far too much of this wonderfully delectable French delicacy. Picture if you will drug-crazed, basement-dwelling teenagers, fresh from their gourmand media sites, breaking down our school doors to promote the correct order of eating cheese in France, duly emphasising that it is of course consumed after the meal, rather than before it.

Preferably with a good coffee or a well-paired Sauterne.

Wow, we really dodged a bullet there!

Well, we put paid to that. We didn’t just restrict the sale of this merchandise. We went right ahead and banned at least 12 French cheeses that were deemed a brazen threat to our general community. In particular, a threat to the safety of our children. Children are precious right?  

Because when things are really dangerous, then sensibly you restrict and regulate it okay?

These cheeses that undermine the very fabric of society, with their delicate harmony of aroma and finely developed bacterial sensibilities, such as Roquefort, Bleu de Gax, Mimolette, Morbier, Camembert de Normandie and Brie de Meaux will no longer be permitted to put our children in grave physical danger as has been consistently proven over many a past decade.

Do you think we are insane or something? Like a culture spiralling ever downwards into a pattern of permanent devolution, set to publicly prove Darwin’s law over and again on a weekly, nay daily basis?

It’s as if it was everyone’s God-given right to just wander about with any old French cheese.

Well just think again: not on my watch buddy.

Author's note: Gun deaths have become the leading cause of death amongst American children. Every day an estimated 12 U.S. children die from gun violence.

Over half of all gun fatalities in the U.S. are suicides.

The Sandy Hook Elementary School shooter, an NRA certificate holder, used two magazines taped together. This enabled him to turn the magazine over and continue firing. Taped magazines are a feature in the video game Call of Duty.

During the massacre at the Robb Elementary School in Uvalde, Texas, 11-year-old student Miah Cerillo smeared herself with the blood of her dead classmate in order to play dead to the shooter. She survived the massacre that claimed the lives of 19 of her classmates and two of her teachers. Victims were identified by DNA samples and by their shoes.

During the massacre, armed police stood outside and were yelled at by parents who were angrily coaxing them to enter the building and confront the shooter.

The police pepper-sprayed and handcuffed some of these angry parents.

Read more by David Meech at

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