Following the controversy over his use of the word “blessed’, Prime Minister Morrison has submitted questions he wants asked, and his answers, for the next leaders' debate.
IA has received a copy of Morrison’s list.
Here are the exclusive questions, with said answers, Morrison is prepared to accept at any future interaction with anyone during the election campaign.
Questioner: When was the Battle of Hastings?
Scott Morrison: Long before I entered Parliament.
Questioner: Where was the Battle of Hastings?
Scott Morrison: Hastings.
Questioner: Where was Greg Hunt during the Battle of Hastings?
Scott Morrison: It was not my job to oversee that battle. You’ll have to ask Greg.
Questioner: Which ingredients go into a Sri Lankan vegetable curry?
Scott Morrison: Vegetables, unless you add meat, say for instance goat meat. Then you would call it Sri Lankan vegetable curry with goat meat.
Questioner: Who discovered Australia?
Scott Morrison: Captain James Cook, and quite frankly, I think the bad press he copped for going to Hawaii was grossly unfair.
Questioner: When did the Cronulla Sharks last win the NRL premiership?
Scott Morrison: Can I take that as a question on notice. Just joking; 2016. I was Treasurer at the time and my focus was on catching welfare rorters via our Robodebt scheme.
Questioner: Who signed the Magna Carta?
Scott Morrison: Wasn’t me. Not my job.
Questioner: Which is greater, the Great Barrier Reef, or the Great Ocean Road?
Scott Morrison: The Great Barrier Reef because it is in Queensland, unlike the Great Ocean Road which was built by socialists, for socialists in socialist Victoria.
Questioner: What is the current unemployment rate?
Scott Morrison: Soon to start with a three.
Questioner: What is the current cash rate?
Scott Morrison: Whatever it is isn’t my fault, or responsibility.
Questioner: Which is a better holiday destination, Hawaii or the Solomon Islands?
Scott Morrison: Hawaii.
Questioner: Who was a better cricketer, John Howard or Bob Hawke?
Scott Morrison: Ask Bob Hawke’s optometrist?
Questioner: Who is a better role model for Australian women, Princess Mary of Denmark or Monique Ryan?
Scott Morrison: Princess Mary of course. Seriously, what has that Monique woman ever done to make Australia a better country to live in? Little girls dream of being a princess. Mary from Tasmania has shown them it is possible.
Questioner: Who bounced back more energetically after a bout of COVID, Morrison or Albanese?
Scott Morrison: Me. I did more interviews than he did. That proves I am a better prime minister than he would be.
Questioner: What is something you have done, without publicity or recognition, to help people?
Scott Morrison: I offered to build cubby houses for flood victims to live in as temporary accommodation.
Questioner: Why wasn’t the chicken cooked in your recent curry dinner?
Scott Morrison: It was cooked, but if it wasn’t, not my fault. Not my job. Jen has to put the oven on.
Questioner: What do you know about the Treaty of Versailles?
Scott Morrison: I wouldn’t have signed it. You can’t trust the French to honour their contracts.
Questioner: What is your favourite Cold Chisel song?
Scott Morrison: April Sun in Cuba.
Questioner: If you were still head of Tourism Australia, and you were to reprise your famous “Where the bloody hell are you” campaign, who would you replace Lara Bingle with?
Scott Morrison: Katherine Deves is bit of a looker. Yes. I’d go with Katherine Deves, but I’d dress her in a netball outfit, not a bikini.
Questioner: When you eventually retire from politics what would you to do?
Scott Morrison: Easy. I‘d love to host a gardening show, exclusively for gardens with automatic watering systems. Remember, I don’t hold a hose.
Rocky Dabscheck is a musician/songwriter and front person for Rocky and The Two Bob Millionaires. He is also the author of 'Stoney Broke and the Hi-Spenders'.
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