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Ahead of leaders' debate, Morrison devises his own Q&A

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Cartoon by Mark David/@markdavidcartoons

Following the controversy over his use of the word “blessed’, Prime Minister Morrison has submitted questions he wants asked, and his answers, for the next leaders' debate.

IA has received a copy of Morrison’s list.

Here are the exclusive questions, with said answers, Morrison is prepared to accept at any future interaction with anyone during the election campaign.

Questioner: When was the Battle of Hastings? 

Scott Morrison: Long before I entered Parliament.

Questioner: Where was the Battle of Hastings

Scott Morrison: Hastings.

Questioner:  Where was Greg Hunt during the Battle of Hastings? 

Scott Morrison: It was not my job to oversee that battle. You’ll have to ask Greg.

Questioner: Which ingredients go into a Sri Lankan vegetable curry? 

Scott Morrison: Vegetables, unless you add meat, say for instance goat meat. Then you would call it Sri Lankan vegetable curry with goat meat.

Questioner:  Who discovered Australia? 

Scott Morrison: Captain James Cook, and quite frankly, I think the bad press he copped for going to Hawaii was grossly unfair.

Questioner:  When did the Cronulla Sharks last win the NRL premiership? 

Scott Morrison: Can I take that as a question on notice. Just joking; 2016. I was Treasurer at the time and my focus was on catching welfare rorters via our Robodebt scheme.

Questioner: Who signed the Magna Carta

Scott Morrison: Wasn’t me. Not my job.

Questioner: Which is greater, the Great Barrier Reef, or the Great Ocean Road? 

Scott Morrison: The Great Barrier Reef because it is in Queensland, unlike the Great Ocean Road which was built by socialists, for socialists in socialist Victoria.

Questioner: What is the current unemployment rate? 

Scott Morrison: Soon to start with a three.

Questioner: What is the current cash rate?

Scott Morrison: Whatever it is isn’t my fault, or responsibility.

Questioner: Which is a better holiday destination, Hawaii or the Solomon Islands? 

Scott Morrison: Hawaii. 

Questioner: Who was a better cricketer, John Howard or Bob Hawke? 

Scott Morrison: Ask Bob Hawke’s optometrist?

Questioner: Who is a better role model for Australian women, Princess Mary of Denmark or Monique Ryan

Scott Morrison: Princess Mary of course. Seriously, what has that Monique woman ever done to make Australia a better country to live in? Little girls dream of being a princess. Mary from Tasmania has shown them it is possible.

Questioner: Who bounced back more energetically after a bout of COVID, Morrison or Albanese? 

Scott Morrison: Me. I did more interviews than he did. That proves I am a better prime minister than he would be.

Questioner: What is something you have done, without publicity or recognition, to help people? 

Scott Morrison: I offered to build cubby houses for flood victims to live in as temporary accommodation.

Questioner: Why wasn’t the chicken cooked in your recent curry dinner? 

Scott Morrison:  It was cooked, but if it wasn’t, not my fault. Not my job. Jen has to put the oven on.

Questioner: What do you know about the Treaty of Versailles

Scott Morrison: I wouldn’t have signed it. You can’t trust the French to honour their contracts.

Questioner: What is your favourite Cold Chisel song? 

Scott Morrison: April Sun in Cuba.

Questioner:  If you were still head of Tourism Australia, and you were to reprise your famous “Where the bloody hell are you” campaign, who would you replace Lara Bingle with?   

Scott Morrison: Katherine Deves is bit of a looker. Yes. I’d go with Katherine Deves, but I’d dress her in a netball outfit, not a bikini.

Questioner: When you eventually retire from politics what would you to do? 

Scott Morrison:  Easy. I‘d love to host a gardening show, exclusively for gardens with automatic watering systems. Remember, I don’t hold a hose.

Rocky Dabscheck is a musician/songwriter and front person for Rocky and The Two Bob Millionaires. He is also the author of 'Stoney Broke and the Hi-Spenders'.

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