AFLWL W Awards

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AFLW's Erin Phillips with her award (image via @abcnewsMelb)

Rocky Dabscheck accidentally left his tape running when he attended the AFL Women's League awards night. Later, he discovered this conversation between two of the AFL’s leading boffins.

Here is what they said

Boffin 1: These sheilas have done us proud. What do you reckon? They’ve made us look good, forward thinking, inclusive and all of that bullshit — and we’ve been able to add two months to the footy season because of them.

Boffin 2: You’re on the money there!

Boffin 1: Beauty. And think of the bonuses we’ll get because of them. Aspen, here I come!

Boffin 2: Don’t do that. They’ll think you’re a Melbourne supporter.

Boffin 1: Yeah, you’re right. Better off going to Brazil and checking out some of the local talent.

Boffin 2: Yes. Great soccer players over there. Should be some who will be okay at footy.

Boffin 1: Not that sort of talent I’m after.

Boffin 2: Yeah, I’m with you.

MC: And the winner of the leading goalkicker award goes to Carlton’s Darcy Vescio on 14 goals.

Boffin 1: Fucking great. 14 goals. 14 fucking goals.

Boffin 2: Fuck. Are we at the A-League awards? This is footy, not soccer.

Boffin 1: Still, it makes the AFL look good. We’re years ahead of them.

Boffin 2: Did you see the grand final? Shit game.

Boffin 1: But so are half of the men’s grand finals.

Boffin 2: Yes. But at least we don’t give a standing ovation for a chest mark in the men’s league. C’mon!

Boffin 1: Yeh, they do make the guys look light years ahead of them. That’s good.

MC: And the winner for the best and fairest goes to Erin Phillips of the Adelaide Crows.

Boffin 1: Great. Son of Greg Phillips, a Collingwood star. Makes us look good. AFL players are good sires.

Boffin 2: What the fuck! Did you see that?

Boffin 1: Fucking no way. Two sheilas pashing on, on the lips, at an AFL function. This isn’t a laptop venue. Makes us look bad. Mind you, they’re not bad looking sheilas.

Boffin 2: This is bad. Real bad. Makes us look really bad. Fucking hell. This makes them look light years ahead of us.

Boffin 1: Think. We’ve got to come up with something so we don’t look like fuddy-duddies with our heads in the sand believing there are no gay male players.

Boffin 2: I’ve got it. We’ll get Elton John for the half time grand final entertainment. And we can get Stephen Fry to present this year’s Brownlow medal.

Boffin 1: Great thinking. And, we’ll change the name of the best and fairest award to the Frank Thring Medal. What do you think?

Boffin 2: Good idea. And create a new award, The Oscar Wilde, for sustained, journalistic excellence.

Boffin 1: Fucking brilliant. I doubt any sheila could come up with ideas as smart as those.

Rocky Dabscheck is a musician/songwriter and front person for Rocky and The Two Bob Millionaires. He is also author of Stoney Broke and The Hi-Spenders.

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