King Charles-the-whatever is coming to Australia on 18 October until some other date you can no doubt find in your calendar, if you could be bothered, which I would strongly advise is not entirely necessary at all.
Michelle Pini, the editor of this profoundly unprofitable enterprise is abroad – in Greece, I understand from most recent reports, her birth land – so it falls upon my broad Goliathan shoulders to write the editorial this week. I was the editor of this money pit for around a decade or so, the details are hazy but suffice to say, I can probably manage to write a few words if I am held up in a hostage situation, as I am at the moment.
So, Prince Charles. Oh, wait, King Chuck. Whatever. He’s coming back to Australia this month, from 18-26 October.
It may surprise the hell out of you to know that, once upon a time, I more or less ran the Australian Republic Movement. I have written about this on my Twitter feed over the last few days with my customary drollery, uncanny insight and acute satire. (Very cute indeed, I’d suggest.)
Anyhoop! I know everything there is to know about Australian republicanism. I was there, I got the tee-shirt and even wrote a book about it, as previously alluded to in my Twitter/X feed recently. Now, it seems, Charles and Camilla are about to embark on a fancy Australian taxpayer-funded pleasure cruise of Australia. And when I say taxpayer-funded, I say that with authority, because I have diligently investigated these frivolous and absolutely idiotic junkets.
I could say some things about Charles and Camilla that would be superficially funny, but really would be very mean. In fact, to the extent I think about it at all – which is not much – I think Charles is one of the better ones. It’s not his fault he was born into palatial luxury.
What gets up my snout, however, is that every time these people visit our shores, not only do we need to bow and scrape and tug our humble little forelocks, but we also need to pay through the nose for the dubious privilege.
I did some research, including a few FOI applications, and it turns out that the last time Chucky graced our shores, in 2005, we – Aussies – spent $371,079 to allow him a good time. What astounded me, at the time, was that we even paid for his gifts. What a joke!
Now, one of my first forays into the bleak and unfertile environs of the Australian mainstream media occurred soon after, when I attracted the ire of the usual simpletons by not being appropriately agog by the majesty of our majesties. I wrote something hilarious for the ABC and then the 7.30 Report dropped around to my then house on the beach in Surfers Paradise and stitched me up like a kipper. Read about it all here.
Basically, what I said was, in advance of Prince Willy visiting Australia in 2010, that no one really cares. I believed it then and I believe it even more firmly now.
Cancel it, Albo. Grow a pair.
This is an abridged version of an editorial originally published in the IA weekly newsletter. Subscribe now to read the full version online in the IA members-only area.
Follow Dave Donovan on Twitter @davrosz and Independent Australia on Twitter/X @independentaus and Facebook HERE.
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