Satire Opinion

There's no substitute for experience — tell that to online lifers

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(Image by Oleksandr P | Pexels)

Bazza gets out and about. Meanwhile, Mick thinks he might be sniffing more than the roses...

BAZZA POSITIONED his schooner, adjusted his glasses and opened the novel to Chapter One.

The odd sigh accompanied a chuckle as he turned the pages, Bazza's untouched schooner a testimony to the quality of the writing.

The magic between writer and reader was broken when Mick landed his schooner on the bar table with a steely glare.

Ahhh… sorry about that Mick. I arrived early, after a visit to the library and thought I would get a chapter or two in before you graced me with your presence. It is one of those novels where the writer has pretty much kidnapped me, taken me to places I can only dream of and is hell-bent on introducing me to characters who are going to make me laugh and cry.

Mick’s eyes shot skywards.

“If you insist on reading, Bazza… do it at home. And, why bother with a visit to the library when you can either borrow or buy the book online?”

Bazza took a measured sip of his schooner.

“You are dead right, Mick… and as usual you make perfect sense. I could have saved the effort involved with a trip to the library and just downloaded the novel. In fact, with a beer from my fridge, I would probably be up to Chapter Five by now.”

Mick smiled and motioned to speak, but Bazza raised a finger.

But Mick… If I did that, I would not have run into young Johnny Bodalla, who is always good for one of his exaggerated adventures… those poor bloody teachers. I would also have missed that walk through the park with flowers in full bloom, teasing the eyes and the nose and all accompanied by birdsong.

Bazza continued.

I would not have seen that well-dressed woman pleading with the parking inspector outside the supermarket, as well as the young bloke dashing out of the hairdresser, checking his appearance in every available reflection. I would have missed the opportunity to observe the minutiae of life around me.

Mick shook his head and scowled.

“Crikey, Bazza… I think you might be sniffing more than roses… get a grip… you can see all that stuff on television. And it's much better quality.”

Bazza let out a long sigh and took a decent sip.

Well, true, Mick…  but we human beings are social beings. These days, we seem to come up with more and more ways to not be social in a physical sense. There are more and more excuses to stay inside… to not come out of our houses. It seems to me you could just about live your whole life online, from supermarket shopping all the way through to attending a funeral. It would not surprise me if we attend Christmas parties via Zoom meetings in years to come.

Bazza leaned in.

“But there is one thing I would not have minded missing if I stayed at home today and downloaded the novel...”

Bazza grinned.

“… and that’s your poor humour, Mick.”

John Longhurst is a former industrial advocate and political adviser. He currently works as an English and History teacher on the South Coast of NSW.

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