Margaret and Tony Abbott (screen shot via smh.com.au).

Margaret returns home to the Abbott family home after a week away visiting relatives.

Margaret: Tony? I’m home dear.

Tony: Yes, hun. I’m in the living room.

Margaret: Tony! What have you been doing? The place is a mess. Dirty dishes everywhere. The dishwasher is full. The benches are dirty. You promised you’d keep the house clean.

Tony: Sorry, Dear. You know I’ve been busy.

Margaret: You promised.

Tony: I told you, I’m sorry. I know I promised you.

Margaret: A promise is a promise. And look at the state of this living room! Mess on the floor. Cushions and newspapers everywhere. You promised me Tony. You know I hate coming home to a dirty house.

Tony: What can I say, Margie? I’m sorry.

Margaret: Tony! The bed’s a mess. The en suite looks like a bomb hit it. Towels strewn all over the floor. You’re a disgrace.

Tony: What do you want me to do? I can’t rewrite history. I fucked up. Big deal. I made a promise and didn’t keep it. What are you going to do? Call me Julia?

Margaret: There is no need for that, Anthony. I bet you haven’t mown the back lawn. I’ll check...

[Checks out the back.]

How could you?! What have you been doing while I was away? Nothing around the house, obviously. Oh, I know. You’ve been writing an article with your little precious petal Peta, about how useless Mr Harbourside Mansion is.

Tony: Leave Peta out of this please. You promised never to mention her name.

Margaret: I did not. You promised not to mention her name in this house — ever. Did you water the plants like you promised me you would?

Tony: Uh.... The plants?

Margaret: Yes. Remember? The azaleas and petunias Aunty Elsie gave me.

[Margaret goes to the back of their yard and discovers the azaleas and petunias dead in their pots.]

I don’t believe you, Tony! The plants. You promised. Dishes I can wash. Rooms I can clean. But the plants — they’re dead! Don’t you care about the natural environment?! Those flowers were beautiful.

Tony: For fuck’s sake, Margaret! Put a sock in it. I’m sorry. I’ll buy you some new plants tomorrow.

[There’s a knock on the door.]

Margaret: You get that. I’m too upset to speak to anyone.

Tony: OK ... hullo?

Journalist: Tony Abbott? Laurie Bloggs from the Sydney Morning Herald. Why are you supporting the same-sex marriage issue being presented to the Australian public in the form of a vote, albeit a postal vote?

Tony:. Well, Laurie. It was a promise we made to the people at the last election and if there’s one thing I believe, it is that you have to abide by and keep your promises.

[Author’s note: I do not brook journalists and politicians telling us Tony Abbott’s opinions deserve to be aired because he was once our nation’s elected leader. Here is a short list of a few people who rose to be leader of their nation: Idi Amin; Hitler; Pol Pot; Mussolini; Pinochet; Saddam Hussein; Richard Nixon; Shah of Persia; Gaddafi; Joseph Stalin; George Bush (H. and W.) Donald J. Trump. That is not even the tip of the tip of the iceberg. Catch my drift?]

Rocky Dabscheck is a musician/songwriter and front person for Rocky and The Two Bob Millionaires. He is also the author of Stoney Broke and the Hi-Spenders.

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