ABC Seven Dollars Thirty’s political editor Tara Lingual interviews outspoken Trump supporter, North Queensland Federal MP Gorge Crispychickenson.
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TARA LINGUAL: Welcome back to ABC Seven Dollars Thirty. I’m political editor Tara Lingual.
Dominating the news this week has again been American politics, with Donald Trump becoming only the second U.S. President ever to be impeached twice. This, after his supporters stormed the Capitol last week, in a failed attempt to prevent President-Elect Joe Biden from being formally endorsed by the legislature.
The fallout from this botched coup, which many say was orchestrated and aided by Trump, has sent shockwaves around the world — even so far as Australia, where questions are being asked of Prime Minister Scott Morrespin about his and his party’s seeming support for the disgraced outgoing President.
Tonight, on Seven Bucks Thirty, we speak to one of the Coalition’s most outspoken Trump supporters, North Queensland Federal MP Gorge Crispychickenson, speaking to us via Skype from Manila.
Welcome to the program, Mr Crispychickenson.
GORGE CRISPYCHICKENSON: It’s very pleasurable to be on you, Cara … I mean it’s a pleasure to be on your show! Haha. Sorry, slip of the tongue there. [Chuckles] it’s been a busy few days here in Manila, supporting Australian exports.
TARA LINGUAL: Yes, I understand you are on a trade mission to the Philippines with a group of Australian sporting goods manufacturers?
GORGE CRISPYCHICKENSON: Well, look who’s done her homework! I like that in a woman, especially a good lookin’ bird like yourself, Carna. Hey, didn’t I see you on the Sugar Daddy website? I only go on there because it is proudly sponsored by the Canegrowers Association due to its link to one of Mackay’s biggest industries. Sugar! how can something that tastes so good be so good for you, eh?!
TARA LINGUAL: Quite. Before we move on to more important topics, what type of sporting goods manufacturers are you promoting there on your tour of the Philippines?
GORGE CRISPYCHICKENSON: Well, it’s quite specific, Tara. I have been doing a lot of groundwork here in the Phillipoussisines, on behalf of the Australian business community over several years. Whilst I have been selflessly doing this, often staying away from my electorate for years at a time, I have noticed a strong demand for ping pong balls in several of the recreational clubs I have had the privilege to visit. Very strong indeed!
TARA LINGUAL: So, you are in South-East Asia promoting table tennis equipment?
GORGE CRISPYCHICKENSON: Table tennis? What? Never heard of it. No, ping pong balls. Do keep up, Carol. Don’t make me draw a flamin’ diagram.
But really, what it comes down to, is [Trump's] love of life. The way he seems to grab life by the pussy and kiss it, even if it doesn’t want to be kissed! He’s a kindred spirit, you might say.
TARA LINGUAL: No, indeed. Moving along to American politics, you are regarded as one of Donald Trump’s strongest supporters in the Liberal National Party Federal Caucus. is that a fair assessment, do you think?
GORGE CRISPYCHICKENSON: Well look, I don’t know about that. Crikey! Have you met my party leader, Deputy PM Michael Mc… Mick Mc… I want to say McDonald's … Could ya help me out here, Kare?
TARA LINGUAL: Michael McCormack, perhaps?
GORGE CRISPYCHICKENSON: That’s the rascal, thanks Karla! Yeah, well him and the Prime Minister, who by the way has sent me a lot of very interesting Facebook messages about QAnon recently. Make your toenails curl, those bastards would. Well, I reckon them two galahs might give me a run for me money! Well, unless it was a race to the pie van, hahaha! Yeah. Anyway, but seriously, yes I am a big supporter of the Donald. Great man.
TARA LINGUAL: What is it about Trump that you admire so much, Mr Crispychickenson?
GORGE CRISPYCHICKENSON: Look, I could talk about his snazzy choice of merchandise. His caps, in particular. So red!
I could mention his strong backing for families, especially hard-working Italian families involved in casino development and ah, horticulture.
But really, what it comes down to, is his love of life. The way he seems to grab life by the pussy and kiss it, even if it doesn’t want to be kissed! He’s a kindred spirit, you might say.
Oh! And, also we share a deep affection for chicken McNuggets.
TARA LINGUAL: I can see how important that is to you, Mr Crispychickenson.
Finally, can I ask you about your petition to stop Twitter and Facebook fact-checking posts, especially those of a political nature?
GORGE CRISPYCHICKENSON: Well, look, Karen, I come from Queensland and here in Queensland, especially up north, we believe in the ability to speak your mind. Now, this might seem like a small thing to you, but it's important to us up here in God’s country. My word it is!
TARA LINGUAL: So, it’s a freedom of speech issue?
GORGE CRISPYCHICKENSON: Bloody oath, it’s a free speech issue! Strewth! Whip me lightly and call me Betsy, how can I explain this in a way you bloody soy latte-sipping Southerners might understand? Let me see ... Rightio!
Now, remember that movie Full Metal Jacket where Gunnery Sergeant Hartman says, “The only things that come out of Texas are queers and steers”? Well, think of Queensland like Australia's Texas, except we produce queens and slanderers. And I’m definitely not a queen. Not with this body, eh? Which means, gorgeous, that I must be a slanderer and so, as a proud slanderer, I will support, with unregistered automatic firearms, if necessary, non-homosexual Queenslanders' First Amendment rights.
TARA LINGUAL: Thank you for that insight, Mr Crispychickenson. Well, you seem extremely busy, so I’ll let you get back to your delegation in Manila.
GORGE CRISPYCHICKENSON: No worries, Kelly. Having a great time here, except would you believe I can’t find a manila folder here for love or money? And that’s not fake news!
TARA LINGUAL: Good luck with that, Mr Crispychickenson and thanks for your time.
GORGE CRISPYCHICKENSON: Thanks love, Tara.
Written by David Donovan. Performed by David Donovan and Michelle Pini. You can follow IA founder and director Dave Donovan on Twitter @davrosz and managing editor Michelle Pini @vmp9. Follow Independent Australia on Twitter @independentaus and on Facebook HERE.
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