Former Prime Minister Scott "ScoMo" Morrison thanked God for being awarded Australia’s highest honour in the King’s Birthday Honour List, calling it “another miracle”.
ScoMo told reporters:
“Thank God! How good is that? It’s another miracle — bigger than 2020.”
The former PM, who also holds the Guinness World Record for the most ministerial portfolios at any given time, has been awarded the King’s birthday gong for the NSW State Government’s response to the COVID pandemic.
Australia Day Award Committee board member Bronwyn Bishop AO singled out ScoMo's efforts during the pandemic:
“Scott Morrison was tireless during the COVID crisis. He never once missed an opportunity to praise Gladys Berejiklian's response and simultaneously sledge its handling by Dan Andrews.”
It was undoubtedly a gargantuan effort from Five Ministry Morrison, who could also be seen welding, cooking, building chicken coops and randomly washing hair during this period.
ScoMo is credited with leading Australians through other crises, such as during the Black Saturday bushfires, when he cut short his holiday in Hawaii by almost two whole days to return to Australia and try to shake people’s hands while their houses burned down.
Added Mrs Bishop, “Selfless is not the word!”
ScoMo was also commended for his unwavering work in providing long-term accommodation for aspiring immigrants, especially on Nauru and Manus Island.
Five Ministries Morrison's is fondly remembered as the architect of Robodebt, when he managed to get people off welfare and back onto the streets — an achievement for which he refused to take credit during the ensuing Royal Commission.
"He took on five ministries secretly without even telling anyone he was doing it," said Mrs Bishop. "Talk about a hard worker!":
The award presentations were followed by the former PM launching into a lengthy soliloquy in which he reprised his 2020 Election speech, thanking God for his miracle and for providing inspiration for his curries, but it eventually had to be cut short as the Lane Cove branch of the Liberal Party needed their function room back.
Also awarded an honour was veteran left-leaning broadcaster Phillip Adams for his decades of work in the Australian broadcasting and film industry, and most especially hisredent decision to retire from the ABC.
Ms Bishop noted the award committee’s hope that giving Adams – a former Australian Republican of the Year, and member of the Communist and Labor Parties – the award on the King’s Birthday alongside Scott Morrison may persuade him to never decide to rescind his recend decision to retire.
Mr Adams told IA that he didn’t “***king care what day [he] received the honour, [he] deserved it.” He further noted that he "received the first of [his three Australia Day honours] from Gough himself, who separated them from the monarchy."
As for Scott Morrison receiving the same honour, Mr Adams was untroubled, although he said he would have preferred them to have been awarded posthumously.
Others on the honours list include Nats MP Barnaby Joyce for his commitment to family values that led to the acclaimed “bonk ban”, Pauline Hanson for her work in promoting multiculturalism and tolerance,and Peter Dutton for his work in Indigenous affairs, including during his time in the Queensland Police Force in generously giving lifts to the country for Indigenous children, as well his stand on reconciliation and well as his walking, usually straight out of of the chamber whenever the topic was raised.
Businessman Gerry Harvey also received an award for demonstrating that even the poorest in society are important parts of the economy, able to assist the profit margin of large corporation.
As Mr Harvey said:
"Even the dirt poor, useless mongrels that they are, can help us make a shitload of money if we weedle them right."
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