Satire Opinion

Brisbane Olympic Committee announce new mascot and slogan

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PM Anthony Albanese and Queensland Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk discuss plans for the Brisbane Olympics (Screenshot via YouTube)

With the Olympic Games looking to be an issue at the next local and state elections in Queensland, Frank Jordan suggests some ways Brisbane could turn the event into a success.

THE NEW MASCOT is to be the smiling anarchist. The slogan will be Bakunin’s quote, “The urge to destroy is also a creative urge”.

“It was really a no-brainer,” said the chairperson:

We are taking 7 billion taxpayer dollars for the Olympics and blowing it on a two-week extravaganza. That money could have been used to build permanent houses for the homeless. We have destroyed their dreams of ever having a safe and secure home.


We will be totally destroying the Gabba Stadium and the school next door. We have hired demolition experts who have assured us several staggered explosions will create an awesome spectacle. It will only cost $2.7 billion and we will create heaps of jobs rebuilding it.


We will be taking a wildlife haven and destroying it to create a white water stadium. We are destroying any hope those koalas and frogs living there will ever have a peaceful and safe haven.


The original ancient Greek games were held in the nude and we will be insisting that all competitors at these games also perform nude. We hope that the example of these athletes will make public nudity acceptable again. People will be able to go about their daily business naked and will no longer need to wastefully spend their money on clothes. Pensions can then be reduced and the Government can use these savings to pay for the Olympics.

The president of the property developers consortium was ecstatic:

“We’ve been pussyfooting around for years just lobbying for smaller government. Now this guy Bakunin comes along and wants to do away with all government. We’ll be able to do whatever we want and make a shedload of money.”

The tabloid media was also ecstatic:

‘We need spectacles to distract people from their boring lives. The taxpayer will be providing us with explosions, nudity and ruthless competition.’

The committee also said that they would not be able to hold the swimming events in the Brisbane River. The tabloid media insisted that the numerous bull sharks in the river would add extra drama and tension. The river is too polluted and murky for much of that drama to be visible to the audience and there won’t be enough money left to fix the pollution.

The only disappointed person was the Ukrainian Government representative:

“We couldn’t bid for the Olympics because we’ve been at war with Russia since 2014, but this war will be over soon. The Russians have already destroyed lots of buildings. We wouldn’t have to destroy any perfectly good buildings. The Queensland Government should do the honourable thing and transfer the games to Ukraine.”

Frank Jordan is co-author of Create More Butterflies. He also ran as a Queensland Senate candidate for the HEMP Party.

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