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At home with Sussan Ley and It's Bin Cleaned's Graham Johnston

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PM Turnbull's face says it all as the 6th Coalition MP resigns in disgrace. (Image via http://www.abc.net.au/)

Fascinated by the devil-may-care spirit of someone who buys $800,000 apartments on a whim, Rocky Dabscheck bugs an It's Bin Cleaned bin in Sussan Ley's pantry to listen in on the impulsive lifestyle that brought her undone.

Graham Johnston

I’m home, darling. How about we go to the movies tonight?

Sussan Ley

No way. It’s Sunday night. We never go to the movies on a Sunday night. It’s always been our seafood and chips night. You know I like things to be planned.

Graham Johnston

Orhh, go on. Just this once. I’d love to catch La La Land. People are raving about it.

Sussan Ley

No. Another night. Our night at the cinema is, and always has been, the 3rd Tuesday of the month. That’s just two nights away. You’ll just have to wait, Graham.

Graham Johnston

Oh. Okay. I suppose I can hang on for two nights. When will dinner be ready?

Sussan Ley

What time is it now? 

Graham Johnston

20 past seven.

Sussan Ley

You know I always serve dinner on a Sunday night at 7.43pm. After all our years together, surely you should know that by now.

Graham Johnston

Sorry, Sussan, I forgot. Seeing I’ve got a bit of time up my sleeve, I may as well put the bins out.

Sussan Ley  

You most definitely will not be putting the bins out tonight. Monday night is bins night. Tonight is Sunday. Really Graham. What has gotten into you tonight?

Graham Johnston

I’m sorry. I think the pressure is getting to me. I’m not used to it.

Sussan Ley

My point precisely. Plan ahead. Create a routine and stick to it. THE best way to navigate through life. No surprises and no disappointments.

Graham Johnston

Yes, you’re right. I’ll just ring mum to see how she is.

Sussan Ley

When did you last ring your mother?

Graham Johnston

Last Thursday.

Sussan Ley

And the time before that? 

Graham Johnston

Thursday week ago.

Sussan Ley

And before then?

Graham Johnston

The Thursday before.

Sussan Ley

Notice the pattern. You ring your Mother on Thursdays. She’s used to it. She expects to hear from you on a Thursday. If you call her now she’ll worry and it will stress her out. Not a good idea. Wait 'til Thursday.

Graham Johnston

Okay. What are you wearing for your conference tomorrow, darling?

Sussan Ley

What day of the week is tomorrow, Graham?

Graham Johnston

Monday.

Sussan Ley

And what do I wear on Mondays?

Graham Johnston

A light coat over a black skirt.

Sussan Ley

So why do you ask? You know I don’t veer from my plans.

Just do something useful until dinner is ready and stop asking me stupid questions.

The next morning at Sussan Ley’s press conference

Journalist   

Your reason for being in the Gold Coast on that day was purely to perform your duty as a minister and the purchase of the apartment was not planned?

Sussan Ley

Yes. If you like, you could say: "I bought it on a whim". Haven’t you ever done something on impulse. Life can be so dull if you don’t.

Rocky Dabscheck is a musician/songwriter and front person for Rocky and The Two Bob Millionaires. He is also author of Stoney Broke and The Hi-Spenders.

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