Royal tours — if they must take place let the palace pay

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It is obvious that Buckingham Palace and Clarence House have realised it’s the 21st Century — and both seats of the British monarchy are in full public relations mode.

The wedding of that telegenic couple, William and Catherine, is being used to promote the notion that in modern commonwealth countries – only the white ones, of course – the system of an accident of birth inheriting as head of state is acceptable.

Well, it might be in Canada and New Zealand – and that’s a moot point – but it certainly isn’t in Australia.

The current of tour of Canada by the couple is a case in point.

Our chief wacko monarchist, David Flint, is positively beside him because the Canadians turned out in their thousands to ogle the couple.

Of course, there is little doubt that had Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie ridden through the streets the same celebrity watchers would have been there.

The young royals are royal celebrities, just like their Hollywood counterparts — nothing more, nothing less.

The Canadians, like their southern cousins, will inherit William’s father as head of state when the Queen eventually goes to God.

It should never be forgotten, that through the good offices of Rupert Murdoch, the world could listen to a recording of our next head of state – who was then married to the divine Princess Diana – telling his then married mistress – his now wife and our next queen – that his only object in his life was to be her tampon!

I may be mistaken, but I would have thought all Australians and even the majority of New Zealanders and most Canadians and even that prissy David Flint would really want someone whose ambitions were higher than his navel to occupy this nation’s top job.

And on that subject, it has been widely reported that when asked what she thought of Camilla, her now daughter in law – our head of state, Elizabeth Windsor – replied:

“Well, she does look rather used!”

Now, if a tour of Australia by William and Catherine is on the cards, it should be fully funded by the royals — not by the hapless Australian taxpayers.

The head of state is over represented here by no less than eight viceroys (and let me say, all of whom do sterling jobs) and, with the exception of New South Wales, they all live in palatial vice-regal residences.

So, no accommodation costs.

First class air fares to and from Australia should be paid by the Brits, as should the cost of ground and air travel here, and  the use  government planes and cars can be charged back as well.

If the royals want to impress us with displaying what we will inherit if we don’t get out acts together and become a republic, let them pay for it.

The rorting of the system by John and Janette Howard when they were running Australia and their decision  to live in Sydney, virtually mothballing The Lodge, cost the Australian taxpayer millions; we are over that kind of nonsense, surely.

The conservative British Prime Minister, David Cameron, has got his feet firmly planted on the ground by deciding that his government would only pick up the security tab for the recent wedding — the rest was on the queen’s own account.

So there is a precedent, which we in Australia should follow.

(To find out how much royal tours cost taxpayers, click here.)

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