Power to the people: Haggling with the energy giants

When a little pushback can magically turn a “best deal” into a better one, it’s clear Australia’s energy giants are playing games with the people they’re meant to serve, writes John Longhurst.

MICK’S FACE reddened as he pulled out his electricity bill and laid it flat on the bar table:

“Not on, Bazza. The winter power bill has come through and it is $819.65 for three months.”

He took a sip of the offered schooner and bit his bottom lip.

I’ve been on the blower all morning to Energy Australia, Bazza. They keep telling me my call is important to them. If it was so important to them, why do they keep me on hold?

I then get the recorded message saying ‘Abuse will not be tolerated’, which is fair enough. I am then given more selection options from the automated voice.

I put the mobile on speaker and unpack the dishwasher, hang out the washing, mop the floors and water the plants. Losing my spot at number 15 of these calls that are important to them must be avoided at all costs.

Anyhow, I seriously think about washing the car when a human comes on the line.

Mick paused and they both took sips.

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Bazza said:

“You are a patient and versatile man, Mick. Not wasting a moment of time at our age is a worthy pursuit.”

Mick leaned in:

“Anyhow, an overly chirpy human finally comes on the line and wishes me a good morning from whatever part of the world they are answering phones. After a chat, I get talked into setting up periodic payments on a fortnightly basis to take out the bill shock.”

Bazza rubbed his chin:

“I have been doing that for years, Mick. It does not hurt as much, even though I know the electricity company is robbing me blind. I suppose you could say I am partly blind to the shock, provided the bill stays within the fortnightly payments.”

Mick took a sip and chuckled:

Yeah, yeah… but get this, Bazza. I ask the chirpy human whether I am on the best rate to suit my needs. After a timed pause and some pretend calculator tapping, I am assured I am on the best possible rate to suit my electricity usage and the 15% discount is a good deal.

I say to my new mate, ‘I am still not happy… surely you can do better’. Well, there is a longer pause and more fake tap, tap, tapping and surprise, surprise, the discount ups to 18%.

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Bazza laughed and took a sip:

“Good on you, Mick… taking on the big corporations once again.”

Mick stretched his back and clicked his tongue:

Well, Bazza, I am not finished. I say, ‘Maaaaate… I think I will have to look around for other electricity providers. Surely you can do better.’ The operator says, ‘Hold the line and I will put you through to one of our consultants.’

Anyhow, I am on hold again until my next newest best mate is on the line with sugary pleasantries. The offer is increased to a 20% discount. Unbelievable! So in the space of 40 minutes, I have gone from a discount of 15% to 20% and have an empty dishwasher, washing on the line, clean floors and watered plants.

I could bargain a bit more, but I would no doubt have to go on hold and I draw the line at cleaning the fridge. At the end of the call, I am asked if I am happy. I say, how can I be happy when you lied to me and told me the 15% discount was the best deal?

Mick picked up the empty schooner glasses:

“Hey, Bella, two schooners please and how about accepting a periodic payment with a discount?”

John Longhurst is a former industrial advocate and political adviser. He currently works as an English and History teacher on the South Coast of NSW.