The Official Libspill Drinking Game

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Pissed at the current Liberal government? Stay that way with The Official Independent Australia Libspill Drinking Game*!

Anyone who knows anything about good governance should know it requires rules and regulations. The government has failed to make them (or at least implement them in public policy) but done plenty to break them (hello, human rights!) so keep that in mind as you play. We all know women are good at housekeeping [seedy wink] so I’ve made the rules. Follow them here and join in the festivities as we all enjoy the great demise of the arguably worst PM in Australian history. If you’re not part of Team Australia, you’re now drinking for Australia and the last man left standing gets the honorary title of Team ‘Captain.’

Firstly, depending on who you vote for divide yourselves in to three teams. If you vote  for the LNP, you’re on the blue team. If you vote Labor, you’re on the red team. If you vote Greens, guess what colour you are? If you vote for none of the above, you’re not on any team so you’re not bloody playing. That's our democracy, kids!

If you’re on Team Blue

Firstly, being a Liberal Party game, start with a whisky and brandy cocktail also known as an Old Fashioned.

Don’t think things are looking up for Mr Rabbit? Make a dark and stormy cocktail.

And now, each time Tony Abbott makes a gaffe, take a sip of Fosters Beer (everyone knows it’s the worst on the market, and that’s why we export that crap, like the Liberal Party are about to do to poor Old Tone).

When Tony upsets Indonesia and risks Australians lives further using veiled threats in the name of humanity and diplomacy, send the Indonesian leaders a longneck BinTang. It’ll take the foul taste out of their mouths.

Every time #Libspill2 trends on Twitter, take a shot for Malcolm Turnbull. This is his game now. He owns it and the LNP is now his bitch. Oh and have a screwdriver, when he plants one in Abbott’s back.  

When the Liberal Party resorts to terrorism scare tactics fight the fury with a Jager-bomb.

If Julie Bishop nods off again during an Abbott speech, enjoy an espresso martini (my shout!)

Whatever happened to Wilson Tuckey? If you see him make a television cameo for comment, throw back a cowboy.

If Abbott has any more knighthoods up his sleeve, scull a Prince of Wales.

Know of a Federal Liberal MP from Queensland? Endure a rum hurricane.

If you’re on the Red Team

If you spill your drink at any stage, scull a glass of water because that’ll be about as exciting as Bill Shorten for PM (although we all know he’ll no doubt be having The Last Word.)

If Julie Bishop gives the death stare to a female member of the Labor Party, have a Tequila (pronounced- To-Kill-'er), wash it down with a sour and bitters.

If Abbott cries when he loses the leadership a la Kevin Rudd, have a gin, so you can cry with him. And on a side note; remember in the ALP leadership debacle when Rudd played the church going card? Oh, you do? Good, scull a Bloody Mary.

If Julie Bishop’s missing earring resurfaces, crack a sparkling.

It wouldn’t be right to have a political drinking game without mentioning Clive, so have a palm wine.

Next time the Vladamir Putin shirtfront comes up, start a mandatory card game of Russian Roulette. The loser of the card game has to scull a four pack of KGB’s.

Every time a different Liberal Party member is thrown up a potential leader remove an item of clothing revealing another layer of scandal.

If you are from a refugee background both Liberal and Labor parties are sending you to get a Long Island Ice Tea. That’s your dinner for the next six months so sip wisely.

Every time Abbott is awkward with a woman, sip a flirtini.

Have a Bullshot when Malcolm wins the backing of his parliamentary colleagues.

Like Julie Bishop’s fashion sense? Put down that Cosmopolitan.

Still think Gillard was the best PM since sliced bread? Have a wine, no one cares anymore.

If you think Abbott is as crazy as Latham was, endure a punch.

If you’re on the Green Team

You’re a bloody Communist so have a red (but from a cask — that’s all you can afford!) Of course, with the exception of Melbourne’s latte sipping elite, you guys stick to coffee, no one wants to see you lentil munchers pissed.

We trust that you have enjoyed Independent Australia’s official Libspill Drinking Game.

Hopefully by now you’re as deliriously unaware of the what’s, the who’s, the when’s, and the how’s as all the other journalists purporting to be in the know about the intricate workings of the Liberal Party. Particularly when it appears they have less than no clues how they work themselves.

If you’re the last man standing, don’t forget to give yourself an Abbottesque pat on the back. It’s all just a game after all.

* Just kidding! Independent Australia advocates only the sensible and responsible consumption of alcohol. You can follow Naomi Fryers on Twitter @fluro_unicorn.

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