Rigging, robbery and rich men's resources

Bazza gets the wrong end of the stick when Mick reacts to a recent election outcome.

Mick’s face was beetroot by the time he reached the bar table and he slammed down the beers.

Bazza rescued his schooner from the puddle of froth, took a sip and leaned back as Mick sucked in a deep breath.

Mick’s forefinger was aimed at Bazza’s chest.

"It’s just not on, Bazza… It seems if you dress up ‘solutions’ to complex problems into a simplistic slogan or even a jingle… you get elected. You may as well throw a promise of delivering world peace into the mix for good measure. I am bloody cranky, Bazza.”

Bazza’s schooner froze mid-air. His eyes were saucers.

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“Crikey, Mick, this is a turn-up. You were full of confidence last week... good on you.”

Mick’s brow furrowed.

Don’t be ridiculous, Bazza. I said it might be close, but there is absolutely no point in running a positive campaign when the opponent refers to you as ‘dumb’, a ‘low life’, ‘garbage’, ‘evil’, ’scum’, ‘wacko’, ‘mean’, ‘bad’, ’sick’, ’corrupt’ and a ‘devil’. When he is not abusing or repeating lies, he is being outright racist. I am not accepting the result, Bazza. I reckon it has been rigged… stolen if you like.

Bazza’s smile widened.

“Go hard, Mick. I reckon you have to accept the result though. It is a pretty emphatic win.”

Mick shook his head.

“No way, Bazza. On top of all that, the bloke is a convicted criminal. He is not fit to hold office. What’s wrong with you, Bazza? I thought a bloke like you would have a moral compass… you know … fight for what is right.”

Bazza took a sip and sighed.

‘Ahh… it’s a democracy, Mick. I have a horrible feeling the world will be warmer and weirder in four years' time.”

Mick screwed his eyes.

What are you on about Bazza? I am not waiting four years. I will challenge at next year’s AGM. That bloody crook, Don rolled me as president of our men’s shed last night. A Bunnings Gift Card for each member and his slogan ‘Make Our Shed A Castle’ has delivered him the presidency on top of the name-calling.

Unbelievable… the membership bought into the lies and has even endorsed the name change to ‘Men’s Castle’ in line with Don's grandiose promises. He is a convicted fraudster.

CARTOONS: America chooses

... a convicted felon to grace the Oval Office.

Mick bit his bottom lip.

“And to top it all off... you must have heard me talk about Don’s mad mate, Leon?”

Bazza chuckled and took a sip.

“Yeah… the bloke who is using all the men’s sheds' resources to build a rocket.”

Mick fumed.

“Well… he is now the treasurer!”

John Longhurst is a former industrial advocate and political adviser. He currently works as an English and History teacher on the South Coast of NSW.