Satire Opinion

Passing the sniff test: 'Use by' dates for U.S. presidents

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(Cartoon by Mark David | @MDavidCartoons)

Bazza, Mick and Know All Ron ponder the nature of 'use by' dates and U.S. presidents over a few fresh beers.

Know All Ron leaned in and eyeballed Mick.

“I tell you it is true, Mick. The mobster, Al Capone’s family had a significant interest in the United States dairy industry way back in the 1930’s. Anyhow, after one of the family members became ill from drinking contaminated milk, they lobbied for ‘use by’ dating on milk.”

Mick’s eyes widened and Know All Ron enjoyed a sip of his schooner.

“But Mick… Australia did not introduce mandatory labelling of ‘use by’ dates on packaged foods until the late 1970s.”

Bazza cleared his throat.

“Ahh Ron… I reckon it’s gone a bit too far. I bought a pillow the other day and it had a ‘use by’ date on it. When did we start eating pillows? Crikey, I know people who still have the same pillow from childhood.”

Know All Ron screwed his face and took a step back.

“No way, Bazza. That’s disgusting! Old pillows can harbour a mix of dead skin, bugs, dust mites and sweat. People spend up to a third of their day lying on a pillow. Think it through, Bazza!”

Bazza took a sip and rubbed his chin.

I take the point, Ron and will keep an eye on the pillow ‘use by’ dates. Now, back to ‘use by’ dates on packaged foods… I am more in favour of the sniff test. If it does not smell right, don’t eat it.

 

You know, as a younger bloke, back in the 1980s, I remember a big jar of Vegemite in my parent’s permanent caravan near the beach at South Durras. I reckon it took the best part of a decade to finish it off… and nobody got crook. That jar of Vegemite passed the sniff test every time even though its ‘use by’ date was 1979.

Bazza paused for a sip.

“Now… there is a pretty strong argument some ‘use by’ and ‘best by’ food labelling dates are unnecessary and, in fact, contribute to food wastage as people trust the date above their common sense.”

There were a couple of chuckles and the odd nod of agreement before Know All Ron deepened his voice and pointed a finger.

“Bazza, Bazza, Bazza… I would argue the opposite. Food labelling actually reduces food wastage. It encourages people to use the food or freeze it before the date expires.”

An uncomfortable silence before Bazza folded his arms and straightened his back.

“Maybe the solution is reform to food labelling, Ron, to combine it with common sense. However, there is one particular product where I wholeheartedly agree ‘use by’ dates should be mandatory.”

All eyes on Bazza.

“Presidents of the USA should have a ‘use by’ date tattooed on the back of their necks.”

Mick took a sip and chuckled.

“Agreed, Bazza. Otherwise, they behave like jars of Vegemite.”

John Longhurst is a former industrial advocate and political adviser. He currently works as an English and History teacher on the South Coast of NSW.

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