Will Scott Morrison be granted a second "miracle" election win? Founder and publisher Dave Donovan considers Mad (Prime) Minister Morrison's spiritual and temporal chances.
THE FIRST TIME Scott Morrison was elected Prime Minister, he called it a “miracle” and soon after took a trip to Hawaii. In the middle of the most hellish bushfires his nation had ever suffered.
He and his uneasy Coalition of big business plants, anti-worker activists and wide-eyed religious zealots sunk immediately behind the Labor Opposition two-party preferred according to almost every poll. They’ve lagged there since, despite the concertedly self-interested efforts of the major media operators and all their other, legion, establishment allies.
It is difficult to put lipstick on a pig, so they say. Even more so when presented with a snarling, coarsely bristled, snaggledy tusked and occasionally incontinent Morrison hog. Bedevilled by disasters, inaction, poor planning, lack of vision and constant damaging scandals, both financial and sexual, even the Murdoch Press began to eschew applying cosmetics. Only the famous apathy and prodigiously poor memory of the Australian public could save his bacon now, it seemed.
But why would they worry? It happened before. At the very last election, in fact.
In 2019, an ecstatic Morrison immediately described his coming from very-slightly-behind victory a “miracle” because, out of the factional “broad church” that makes up the Liberal Party/National Party/Country Liberal Party/Liberal National Party anti-Labor Coalition, Minister Morrison belongs deeply in the arms of the wide-eyed zealot congregation.
Not only was his second coming a miracle ordained from a higher power, he claimed, but he even afterwards revealed how, quite unbidden, he was prone to “lay hands” on unsuspecting persons day-to-day — to pass on some of his magical holy power, he implied. And, indeed, he was observed attempting such ministrations by clutching at the ash-covered hands of bushfire survivors in NSW in 2020. It was a miracle, indeed, that no-one then laid knuckles upon his smugly puggish face.
Good people of Australia, let us pray that lightning doesn’t strike us twice and no “miracle” is delivered Morrison in May. Because a messianic Morrison, buoyed and emboldened by a second miracle – the confirmation of a second godly judgment – is more than likely to send us all to hell.
Like all religious zealots, it goes without saying that Morrison is mad. You need to be somewhat mad to suspend disbelief enough to believe the dogma of any organised religion, let alone the drivel evangelists like Morrison purportedly espouse: speaking in tongues, faith healing, snake wrestling, the prosperity doctrine and other such claptrap.
And Morrison proved he was insane again this week by repeatedly calling a journalist “Mr Speaker” at an outside press conference. As his assembled inquisitors tittered nervously, Morrison glibly excused his weirdness by claiming he had transcended the physical realm, exclaiming, “Look at me, I’m in Parliament”.
Little about this found its way into the media, because a clearly delusional Prime Minister is far less newsworthy, apparently, than an Opposition Leader unable to instantly chant, chapter and verse, every national financial statistic, no matter how arcane or esoteric.
And so was 2019 won, by every major media masthead blaring at their bully pulpit about Shorten being a danger to retirees’ income, due to a pervasively persistent and entirely specious analysis about the entirely defensible scrapping of a minor tax lurk, dividend imputation. And so it will be this time around with Albanese, the media aiming to eat away at his credibility over some spurious sin or transgression. Preaching it loudly and often, until the average meek and humble voter accepts their word as gospel.
At least, that’s their mission.
The irony is Morrison doesn’t care about retirees. Nor does he care about me and you – especially not you, if you happen to have sinful female parts. The only people he truly cares about are his fellow zealots and those, true believers or not, who put the big notes into his collection plate. Big donors from big business, that is, who keep the Coalition’s crazy caravan of assorted misfits tumbling down the road.
They’re not mad, though, like Morrison and his fellow cultists. They donate because they expect divine intervention from the Government in the form of tax cuts, cuts in wages and worker benefits, austerity for the unindustrious and lots of government pork to pull into big piggy profits.
If Morrison is re-elected, it will be enough for him to see it as a sign from his Pentecostal deity that the worthy must be made even more prosperous, and the poor and unworthy punished away from their undeserving ways. Less alms for them, lazy damned heathens.
That’s why the so-called Religious Discrimination Bill was the only thing he tried to get through Parliament this year. Not an integrity commission, because judgment can only come from god, of course, but a tool to allow the chosen to cast stones upon those their doctrine suggests face eternal scorching in some putative afterlife. Charming people, the devout.
Yet, despite the acclaimed ignorance of the Australian electorate, I don’t see them being moved to grant Morrison his second “miracle”, despite all the assistance he may be granted during this election campaign, spiritual and/or temporal. It is my belief that Mad (Prime) Minister Scott Morrison will not be able to reclaim his flock on judgment day in May. For him, there will be no resurrection this time around.
Why? Because despite all the trials and torment they have sent us, despite all their many foibles and iniquities, I still have faith that this time at least they will, at last, deliver us from evil.
Catch up with IA founder and flâneur David G Donovan's regular column each Tuesday morning and follow him on Twitter @davrosz. Also, follow Independent Australia on Twitter @independentaus, on Facebook HERE and Instagram HERE.
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