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Scientific phenomenon: Storybooks that send your kids to sleep in no time flat

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Adam Mansbach's "primal scream" of parental frustration, first published in 2011. (Image via Amazon)

Finally: A legal, non-chemical, even scientifically approved way to get your kids to sleep. Kerry Cue discusses the phenomenon of Neuro-Linguistic Programming for your parenting arsenal.

ONCE UPON a time, there was a bedtime story book for young children written by Adam Mansbach called Go the Fuck to Sleep. This book was a pitiful cry from a bewildered and exhausted father desperately wanting his child to fall asleep.

Adam Mansbach published his “primal scream” of parental frustration in 2011, which, in the age of Snapchat, is like 100 years ago, and ideas about parenting have moved on. We're the adults here. Surely we can call on the power of Neuro-Linguistic Programming plus the logic of cognitive behaviour therapy and throw in a soporific voice to control the little buggers. Haha! (Note: Evil laugh.) Yes, we can!

The book currently out-trending Harper Lee's book-that-should-have-stayed-in-the-bedroom-cupboard on Amazon is The Rabbit Who Wants to Fall Asleep, by Swedish behavioural psychologist and linguist Carl-Johan Forssen Ehrlin — recently reviewed in UK’s The Telegraph.

Well, you have to be a linguist with a name like that. But, if it is read with a soporific voice that can drop a junkyard dog into a coma in three seconds – BINGO – the kid’s out to it in no time flat. If you would like to fall asleep now and smash your face into your desktop or device screen go here and listen to the recorded voice. But briefly, it's Ama-bloody-zon.

The question parents should ask themselves is, “Why stop there?” If you are going to read behaviour modifying stories to your young children, why not put a few bench marks in place and program the little rugrats for their entire lives?

Parents, I implore you to get in early and get that Neuro-Linguistic Programming working for you. I’m developing several breakthrough titles that will re-program your child for your peace of mind and convenience at various vital developmental stages. The books should be read continuously to your young child until they are old enough to say “Shut-the-fuck-up”.

Recommended titles include The Aardvark, The Badger, The Warthog, The Wombat and The Quokka:

     

                                          

                                                              Kerry Cue's recommended breakthrough bedtime titles

Read more by Kerry Cue at kerrycue.com.

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