How to take over a country

As director, I have been asked recently: how do you take over a country? I refer you to the minutes of that epic get together back in ’08.

First, erode national powers. Leave them the military because it is largely irrelevant and provides the illusion/veneer of nationhood, but, like a spider, wrap them in a sticky web of transnational legal goo. (We’re talking TPP here.)

Second, using the goo, enforce intellectual property. With a vengence, because the goo is with you. Impoverish the file-sharers. Sue the patenting scientists. Grind them to dust. Make them rely on imports for everything except what you can get out of them at comparative disadvantage.

Third, globalise everything you can. Buy the farms, the dairies, the gas.

Fourth, establish a reliable, low-cost surveillance system. The mob will always grumble and so long as they keep to bullshit, that’s okay. But there needs to be a bit more than a whiff of threat, it needs to be felt to be real.

Pretend it’s not real, wheel out a few balanced journalists who can assist to get the message across — if you’ve done nothing wrong you’ve got nothing to worry about.

Fourth, move to complete intellectual control. Web TV can be very useful here as it side-tracks the mob and forestalls their accessing the internet for problematic stuff. We are, as I write, working on this aspect.

Sport is great too, as is talkback radio. Anything to distract as the mob are spun tight.

General commentary

To get a country to cede its sovereignty is no easy matter. The right person must be found.

This person should be male, easily manipulated (note, those who profess religion are good, Christians ideal) and hungry for power beyond his intellectual means. Groom this person and buy his soul.

Once you have his total loyalty, make sure he is elevated to within grasping reach of power. Blackmail, especially when conducted against paedophiles and homosexuals, is often required to reach this point. Ideally, the chosen person will have a secret, ineligibility for political office, perhaps — then they are most assuredly yours.

PM gem or a dual? #abbott http://t.co/8DXfNTDvwD #12806 pic.twitter.com/0IoNGPRMJr #QldVotes #auspol oㄥ
— Sir Plus (@otiose94) January 27, 2015

At this point you instruct your man to lie blatantly to the electorate. At whatever cost, he must appear capable. This is often an exercise in logistics requiring the coordination of many assistants.

The mob, generally self-obsessed in the target nations, are always prepared to believe they are the victim. Your man must play to this.

As you are aware, it only takes two-years – on occasion, three – to take control. It is therefore of no consequences what happens to your man after the election. He will kick and squirm a bit, but is disposable. You will generally find any political opposition will fade in the new reality.

What’s done cannot be undone.

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