BREAKING: Illuminati disendorse Donald Trump for 2020 U.S. presidential race

By | | comments |
Withdrawal of support from shadowy group expected to affect Trump's re-election prospects (Image via Guava Juice / YouTube)

One of the major global underground organisations which allegedly dictate world events have unexpectedly cancelled their previous commitment to U.S. President Donald Trump.

The Illuminati – a secretive occult grouping of powerful, yet anonymous, individuals – announced late yesterday afternoon, in New York, that Trump will not receive their endorsement for the upcoming 2020 U.S. presidential election.

Many insiders suggest the Illuminati, in concert with several other shadowy groups, were critical in delivering the U.S. presidency to the former reality TV star in 2016.

This unexpected move by the powerful cult is seen by many commentators as a major blow to Trump’s chances of re-election in the presidential race next year.

In a sombre press conference at the Freemasons Grand Lodge in midtown Manhattan, the leader of the Illuminati – known formally as the "Big Candelabra" – said that "enough was enough".

Wearing a giant goat's head mask with large curling gold-encrusted horns, Mr Candelabra (not his real name) expressed regret about a “prank that had just gotten completely, way out of control”.

Mr Candelabra said the group must accept responsibility for its actions, given this was not the first time their "playful" manipulation of world events had led to some rather unfortunate consequences.

“We were pretty stunned that we could get an idiot like George W. Bush elected, to be honest,” said Mr Candelabra.

“Then Bob says: ‘Boys, I think we can go way, way dumber.’”

“Well, you know how it is... Bob's a bit of a character and, well, it just kinda snowballed from there.”

According to the Illuminati chief, there is a good deal of regret in the organisation about this latest instance of global manipulation gone wrong.

“We realise now that it was a silly thing to do, but down in the Bohemian Grove, relaxing after a long day of plotting and bizarre satanic rituals, well, things can get a bit loose."

“Anyway, we realise now we went too far and we hope to put an end to this insanity. We’re diabolical, sure, but Trump is just fucking nuts.”

The Illuminati mentioned Trump this week referring to the Italian President Sergio Matarella as Mr Mozzarella and the U.S. alliance with Italy dating back to "Ancient Rome" as being decisive factors in persuading members to cast Trump adrift.

The Bilderberg Group and the Giant Lizard People Who Secretly Control Everything declined requests for comment.

Support independent journalism Subscribe to IA.

Recent articles by David Donovan
EXCLUSIVE: Dominique Grubisa offers 'protecction' amid scathing criticism

Dominique Grubisa is continuing to spruik her services despite criticism from legal ...  
EDITORIAL: Why the Right give the top jobs to the wrong people

Prime Minister Scott Morrison’s promotion this week of alleged rapist Christian ...  
EDITORIAL: Rudd's News Corp petition pushes Murdoch's panicked minions into mad meltdown

In its gormless retaliation to Kevin Rudd's petition asking for a Royal Comm ...  
Join the conversation
comments powered by Disqus

Support IAIndependent Australia

Subscribe to IA and investigate Australia today.

Close Subscribe Donate