AUDIO: New Year's Day message to the nation from the Morrespins (who are definitely not in Fiji)

EXCLUSIVE ZOOM INTERVIEW: Prime Minister Scott Morrespin and his wife Jennifer join Samantha Armasuckup on 'The Sun Rises' to discuss plans for 2021 and the "green Christmas".

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Independent Australia AUDIO: Zoom Interview with Scott and Jennifer Morrespin who definitely aren't on Holiday

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TRANSCRIPT

SAMANTHA ARMASUCKUP: Good morning everyone, my name is Samantha Armasuckup and welcome to The Sun Rises' New Year’s telecast.

Last night, Australians celebrated the end to such a difficult year. But one Australian, who famously went on holiday this time last year while bushfires were ravaging the nation, has been awfully quiet. This has a lot of people asking, well, where the bloody hell are ya?

That is why it is my great pleasure to welcome to the program, the Prime Minister of Australia, the Honorable, Scott Morrespin, and his wife Jennifer, welcome to the show.

(SCOTT MORRESPIN CAN BE HEARD IN THE BACKGROUND ORDERING A PINA COLADA.)

JENNIFER MORRESPIN: Thanks, Sam. You know, New Year's has always been a really special time of year for our family and we know this year, with the pandemic, the bushfires and the floods, it's going to be a year that so many Australians —

SCOTT MORRESPIN: Fair dinkum Jenny, all I hear out of your mouth is nothing but bloody whinging and complaining.

JENNIFER MORRESPIN: Scott...

SCOTT MORRESPIN: Honestly, mate, can you just take a bloody chill pill, look around us, we’re in Fiji for crying out...

JENNIFER MORRESPIN: Scott…we’re live.

SCOTT MORRESPIN: Eh...Oh is that Sammy? It’s good to see you champ, what’s all this here...hold on let me fix this.

(SOUNDS AS IF SCOTT MORRESPIN IS FIDGETING WITH THE MICROPHONE.)

See Jen?

I told you we shouldn’t have brought this little piss-weak iPad mini...

It was a fuckin' silly idea you know...

Can’t see a bloody thing...

Ah, yep — rightio, there we go... seems to me like we’re in a bloody interview of sorts. Is that right, Jen?

...Ah well, we’ll just take it from the top then, eh?

SAMANTHA ARMASUCKUP: Prime Minister, you’re in a live interview, we have nearly 4,000 viewers at the moment, so no, we can’t really take it from the top.

SCOTT MORRESPIN: Hah! Strewth! Well, rightio, don’t sweat it then, let’s just keep this ball rolling.

SAMANTHA ARMASUCKUP: Excellent, alright then, we’ll just get to some questions…So um, Mr Prime Minister, as we all know, Queensland has shut its borders to greater Sydney and there is now the looming threat of its borders being closed to all of New South Wales. Do you agree with this sudden decision made by the premier right before Christmas? And if not, why?

SCOTT MORRESPIN: Yeah nah, bloody wretched woman she is that Annastacia Palaszczuk. Closing those borders before Christmas so all us Sydneysiders had an excuse not to visit our bogan in-laws — fuckin' genius idea!

The only real gripe I have is how she only gave a days’ notice, ya know? Seriously, Annastacia, you should’ve known that half of Sydney was already on the dreadful ride up the Pacific Highway to Redneckville by the time ya little announcement came out. Luckily, we got away to...

JENNIFER MORRESPIN: Scott!

SAMANTHA ARMASUCKUP: Oh, um, well, that is unfortunate…anyway, uh, New Year’s resolutions! As we know, every year, people create their own little resolutions for the New Year, do you have any goals for 2021, Prime Minister?

SCOTT MORRESPIN: Aww... you know I do have a couple of things in mind that I think many people of this nation will look forward to.

SAMANTHA ARMASUCKUP: Fantastic! I’m sure a lot of Australians would appreciate some new job keeping policies maybe even some trade deals to get Australia back to the way it was pre-COVID, do you mind telling us what your resolutions are?

SCOTT MORRESPIN: Well, on Christmas Eve, I invited over the Chair of Infrastructure Australia to the old shack...

SAMANTHA ARMASUCKUP: The old shack? By that do you mean...

SCOTT MORRESPIN: Yes Samantha, my Kirribilli Mansion. And we had a bit of a chat about things, discussed some arrangements and well, we decided to begin construction a brand-new $150 million, 500 square acre treehouse for the kids.

SAMANTHA ARMASUCKUP: A treehouse? 500 acres you say?

SCOTT MORRESPIN: Well, you see I just thought it’d go well with the cubby house and chicken coop I did last year. Well, I mean Jamie Durie did it, but we got some good snaps of me pretending to hold a hammer! Bewdy!

SAMANTHA ARMASUCKUP: Well, uh, that sounds great. And what else did the Morrespin’s get up to on Christmas besides building a $150 million treehouse?

SCOTT MORRESPIN: Bloody... Well, I don’t know. Whatever you Aussies do? Bitta backyard cricket with the kids. Well, I actually have my own cricket field and turf pitch in my backyard. And I did invite over the Australian cricket team and watch them play against my two little girls in a 50 over test match. The girls got completely flogged — bloody hilarious! How good is beating women?!

SAMANTHA ARMASUCKUP: Oh, well... Okay then, that’s...

SCOTT MORRESPIN: Their little arms couldn’t even pick up the bat let alone fuckin' swing the thing, you know what I mean, it’s quite pathetic really. Silly little things can’t even make one run!

SAMANTHA ARMASUCKUP: Wow, okay, that’s really...

SCOTT MORRESPIN: This one time, right, a couple of years ago, my youngest Abbey was batting against Adam Zampa, that short-arse leggie, and fuck me the ball bloody ricocheted off the wicket and, I shit you not, somehow managed to make its way down Abbey’s throat.

SAMANTHA ARMASUCKUP: Wha...

SCOTT MORRESPIN: That’s a true story, fair dinkum! You can ask Jenny, like that bloody carnival game where you throw a ball into them creepy clowns’ mouths. Although lucky for my wallet, she didn’t break any teeth. Well, not many anyway.

SAMANTHA ARMASUCKUP: Oh... That’s good. I guess.

SCOTT MORRESPIN: Well that's mainly due to the fact that she was only two years old at the time and didn’t have all her baby teeth through. But ah, yeah nah, it’s still in her stomach. But ya know, shit happens, she was only a bloody toddler so she can’t fuckin' remember anyways.

SAMANTHA ARMASUCKUP: Alright then, seems like that's all the time we —

SCOTT MORRESPIN: Ahh…the fun times we had when we were back in Canberra and not travelling around the glorious South Pacific... Ummm, which we are definitely not doing at moment. Ohh, that reminds me, on Christmas after the match, the Aussie team and I were punching away buckets, cause y’know in the bloody A.C.T. it’s legal, not that that would’ve stopped us anyways...

(CONVERSATION IS MUFFLED AS SAMANTHA TALKS OVER THE PRIME MINISTER.)

SAMANTHA ARMASUCKUP: Okay, Prime Minister, that seems to be all the time we have, thanks for your … ah ... inspiring words and ...well … Happy New Year to you and your beautiful family. Thank you.

SCOTT MORRESPIN: Ay, good one, that was — ya know that’s what I call a bloody green Christmas.

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