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David Skynews interviews NSW Premier Gladrags Bereftoclues

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Image by Dan Jensen

In an exclusive interview, NSW Premier Gladrags Bereftoclues joins David Skynews in the studio to discuss the recent ICAC inquiry, her love life and being hounded by the media.

"I have never said that my secret relationship with this person, or indeed persons unknown, was of the intimate type. In fact, I expressly said it was not of the intimate type. My office even sent out a detailed media release, including several explicit illustrations."
~ Gladys Bereftoclues

Listen to a little more of this IA spoofing on SoundCloud here:

TRANSCRIPT

DAVID SKYNEWS: Premier Gladrags Bereftoclues, welcome to the program.

GLADRAGS BEREFTOCLUES: Thank you, David. It’s nice to be here with you.

DS: Before we begin, I’d just like to say on behalf of our sponsors … I mean, listeners … you are doing an outstanding job leading the great state of NSW during these very difficult times.

GB: Thank you, David, my role is a great privilege.

DS: And it is a very great privilege to be able to interview you, Madame Premier.

Now, Premier, you are facing some tough questions in the current ICAC Inquiry about your so-called “lover”, Daryl Maguire. Can you tell us more about this relationship? Feel free to be as detailed as possible.

GB: I need to pull you up there, David…

DS: Feel free to pull me up any time, Premier.

GB: Uh, yes… Well, concerning your question, I need to correct you. That man was not, in fact, my lover. At most, he was an alleged secret lover, David. I want that to be perfectly clear.

DS: My apologies, Premier. What can you tell us about your secret alleged so-called lover, former State Liberal MP Daryl Maguire?

GB: Well, this is unknown to me. I have never said that my secret relationship with this person, or indeed persons unknown, was of the intimate type. In fact, I expressly said it was not of the intimate type. My office even sent out a detailed media release, including several explicit illustrations. Indeed, any member of the public is able to download this release on Pornhub.com.

And furthermore, my personal life in no way impacts my public office responsibilities … Unlike the previous Labor Government who actually sat in chairs, next to Eddie Obeid, for goodness sake!

DS: Indeed, Premier. What are you able to tell us of your possible alleged secret connection with Daryl Maguire, with whom you may or may not have been engaged in a sexual or non-sexual relationship of some kind?

GB: Well if, as I said, if, hypothetically, I was in any type of relationship with Mr Maguire over a period of five years, then it would clearly be a secret, so I don’t know anything about it. And I certainly never sat next to him! Lying is a distinct possibility, however.

But, if I did lie with him in the Biblical sense, which I am not confirming or denying until the Solicitor-General has fully considered the exact implications of the MPs Code of Conduct … But if I did, then if had I known then what I know now, I may or may not have made different choices. That is, if I made any choices at all, which of course I cannot confirm or deny.

DS: Thank you Premier, for making that perfectly clear for our audience.

And did you know anything about Mr Maguire’s secret corruption?

GB: Well, as I’ve said many times to those impertinent reporters, obviously not!

DS: But Mr Maguire did tell you about his corrupt activities, didn’t he?

GB: Well, I suppose it is possible he may have told me about them on at least two occasions. But those were secret occasions, so how could I possibly be expected to remember them, let alone pass them on? It appears to me as though people no longer properly understand the meaning of the word “secret”!

Oh, and he was also rather a blabberer, whether on the phone or non-intimately in bed and so, frankly, I never really listened to a word he said. I am rather a busy woman, you know!

DS: But Premier Bereftoclues, you sacked him in 2015 pending a corruption investigation didn’t you?

GB: David, as I’ve said over and over again, I may have. I’ll leave the commentary up to you commentators in the media, while I get on with the important job of running this fine state.

But even if I did ‒ and I’m not saying I did, mind you ‒ send Mr Maguire to the crossbenches in disgrace in 2015, any knowledge I may have had about corruption that was, in fact, shared with me by any person ‒ or persons ‒ with whom I may or may not have continued a close, but not intimate, secret sexual ‒ or indeed asexual ‒ relationship, possibly after I sacked this same alleged person – or people ‒ over alleged secret corruption allegations, well, I certainly do not recollect any of it.

DS: So in summary, Premier, if you did in fact have a secret lover named Daryl Maguire and he was, indeed, sacked by you over secret corrupt dealings, the details of which he shared with you, you could not possibly be said to be involved with or have any knowledge of any alleged corruption whatsoever. Is that that the case?

GB: You have it exactly right, David. Unless something even more damning comes out at ICAC tomorrow or I receive alternative advice from the Solicitor-General.

Now, I can’t be any more upfront than that!

DS: And now it behooves me to inform our listeners that all such allegations by unscrupulous members of the non-NewsCorp media must now cease. Do you agree, Madame Premier?

GB: Of course, David! Heavens! It’s not like I’m in the Labor Party!

DS: [Laughs] Good God no, Premier!

Premier Gladrags Bereftoclues, thank you so much for sharing with us some of your extremely precious time.

GB: Oh, it’s been my absolute pleasure, David.

DS: And I pleasured myself, Premier… I mean, the pleasure was mine, Premier.

You can also listen to a little more of this IA spoofing on YouTube here:

Written and performed by Michelle Pini and David Donovan. You can follow managing editor Michelle Pini on Twitter @vmp9 and IA founder and director Dave Donovan on Twitter @davrosz. Follow Independent Australia on Twitter @independentaus and on Facebook HERE.

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