Why Bob Katter is right on immigration

Bob Katter is right — immigration is changing Australia and it's keeping our clinics, businesses and small towns alive, writes Vince Hooper.

BOB KATTER, the wide-brimmed-hat-wearing, banana-farming, crocodile-wrestling oracle of rural Queensland, has once again blessed the nation with his thoughts on immigration.

And he’s right. Not in the sense that demographers, economists, or people with working internet connections would agree — but right in the way a pub philosopher is right after three schooners and a yarn about how the moon landing was faked.

Katter’s vision is simple: keep Australia for the “real Australians”. Which, in his mind, means Akubra-wearing stockmen who can whistle Waltzing Matilda in their sleep.

But here’s the problem: there are fewer “real Australians” than there are flat whites in Melbourne. Everyone’s family came from somewhere else — Irish convicts, Greek fishermen, Italian bricklayers, Lebanese bakers. Even Katter’s own family tree has roots stretching beyond the cane fields. If immigration were really the threat he claims, he might have to deport himself.

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And then there’s the economic reality. While Katter rails against foreign workers, his electorate depends on them. Who’s picking the mangoes in Mareeba, gutting the cattle in abattoirs, or staffing the local hospital? Not the grandsons of squatters — they’re off in Brisbane doing law degrees. Without migrant labour, North Queensland’s economy would collapse faster than Katter’s hat in a cyclone.

Of course, the irony doesn’t stop there. The Akubra on Katter’s head? Inspired by American cowboy hats. The cattle breeds on his properties? Imported from Britain. The guitar he strums? Made in Mexico. Even the XXXX beer he defends against latte-sipping southerners was first brewed by German immigrants. “Pure” Australia turns out to be about as authentic as a kebab after midnight — which, by the way, we also owe to immigrants.

And let’s not forget climate change. While Katter tells us to brace for a flood of unwanted migrants, the real flood is already on the way — literally.

As Pacific Islands sink and northern Australia drowns, the boats won’t be bringing asylum seekers; they’ll be carrying his own constituents, rowing toward higher ground with nothing but an Akubra for shade. One wonders if Katter will demand they pass a “fair dinkum citizenship test” involving crocodile wrestling and naming three Slim Dusty songs before letting them into Toowoomba.

Then there’s the great cultural divide. Katter paints inner-city voters as sipping soy lattes in cafés staffed by foreigners, while he imagines his voters surviving on XXXX and witchetty grubs.

In reality, it’s the very migrants he warns us about who are running the GP clinics in Mount Isa, stocking shelves in Charters Towers, and keeping the servo open on the road to Cairns. Without immigration, Katter’s Queensland dream would be less Crocodile Dundee, more Mad Max — scorched earth and no servo pies.

So yes, Bob Katter is right. Immigration is changing Australia. It gave us garlic sauce that could solve world peace, sushi rolls that made lunchboxes edible and baristas who turned coffee from billy tea into an art form. It filled our schools, our hospitals and our small towns. It gave Katter a villain to rail against at rallies and us the cultural diversity that makes his rants sound as quaint as a VHS tape.

If Katter had his way, we’d still be gnawing on overcooked mutton and pretending to like it. Instead, thanks to immigration, we’re spoiled with biryani, laksa and hummus — and we’ll eat them while Katter rants, because the only thing hungrier than his speeches is the rest of us.

Vince Hooper is a proud Australian/British citizen and professor of finance and discipline head at SP Jain School of Global Management with campuses in London, Dubai, Mumbai, Singapore and Sydney.