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Despite begging everyone who is anyone for an invitation to Trump's inauguration, contributing editor-at-large Tess Lawrence was constantly knocked back. So, like millions of others, she is reduced to watching it on the telly and will do a live blog in the comments section, where you are all invited to join her sleepover and leave your own comments!

DEAR READERS, ON YOUR BEHALF, I begged everyone in Washington.

I badgered our embassies in Bali and the Philippines, the Yemen, Libya, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Iraq, Syria, Turkey, Armenia and Don Dale.

I implored our consuls general on Manus Island, Christmas Island, Nauru, Guantanamo Bay and various Westfield Shopping Centres both here and abroad.

I begged Vladimir Putin. I begged the KGB who wrote back and said they would have given me a ticket if I hadn't been so slack about realising that they no longer existed, but at least they did refer me to the FSB, the SVR and the FSO. I begged Malcolm Roberts, the man who demands empirical evidence for everything except the existence of God.

I digress.

I begged Pauline Hanson. I begged Cory Bernardi, but he was beastly to me. I refuse to beg George Brandis. I begged the two Bishops, Bronwyn and Julie, in case they'd commandeered a chopper and would give me a lift. I begged Sussan Ley but on an impulse she'd sold both her airline and inauguration tickets to a Liberal Party donor. No-one would give me an invitation to the Trump Inauguration. So enough with the begging.

Of course, if I had got an invitation, I would never admit I had to beg for it. Especially with Trump. Because he knows only too well that women are begging for it.

No. I would have issued a press statement saying that I'd been inundated with invitations from the Donald himself and that he wanted me to sit in the first row near the seat that Anna Wintour left empty.

The inauguration of Donald Trump as the 45th president of the United States of Obama – oops! – America and the events leading up to it, is the greatest reality show on earth. It's unreal, ain't it ? Why would you not want to be there ?

So I'm having an e-sleepover and you're all invited. I'm going to post updates in the comments section under this article and you are most welcome to contribute your own observations and thoughts to the thread as we citizen journalists watch proceedings.

For the Twitter tragics, we also have a widget (sorry, youse oldies, nothing to do with bodgies and widgies). So, along with livestreaming comments in the comments thread, we'll be livestreaming tweets combining two popular hashtag topics:  #Inauguration and #Resistance — the latter containing the unleashed fury of the seriously-pissed-off. See 'Tweets about #Inauguration #Resistance' below.

It's BYO — and that doesn't necessarily mean alcohol, you know. You could instead try bubbly or a beer made south of the border down Mexico way, but owned by a conglomerate, as is Donald Trump, just to get into the zone.

Either way, keep it gender fluid. Keep it real, bros and sissies.

Dress is optional. Only if you want to, after all, you'll be in your own abode. If you're homeless, you might watch on your smart phone under a bridge too far.

If you've got them all over the bod, why not just come in your tatts? If you do decide to frock up, florals are in and so are kaftans and hippy midis.

I will be wearing nanna flannies, as I always do at sleepovers and when dashing down to the local supermarket and pooch walking.

Prepare some nibblies that reflect the Trump philosphy and oeuvre; nothing that's hard to swallow, like pride — gay or otherwise.

Give your space some atmosphere and create a mood. Remember red, white and blue and orange fake tan are now the primary colours of America.

If you can't find a stars and stripes flag or two to drape on the window or TV aerial, no wuzzies, just use one of the Aussie flags you've bought in preparation of Australia Day, same same. But first make sure there are no Muslim girls on them, they have to be dinky di.

The Age of Obamerica is over. Let the Trumpet sound thoughout the land; throughout the world…

WHERE TO WATCH CEREMONY (courtesy Business Insider)

ONLINE

TELEVISION

  • Channel Seven will have live coverage from 3am, as well as a special edition of Weekend Sunrise from 6am.
  • Channel Nine will have live coverage from 3am and Weekend Today will continue commentary from 6am.
  • ABC News 24 will have live coverage from 3am, with a full replay of Trump’s Inaugural Speech after 9am.
  • SBS will have live coverage of the event from 4am.
  • Sky News will have live coverage from 3am and cross to Laura Jayes in Washington.

SO JUMP ON THE THREAD OR TWEET TO THE WORLD!

Brilliant! Stephen Colbert: Trump gets ready for Day One-ish

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