Gambaro goes the raw prawn

By | | comments |

That sheila's got a bloody cheek coming the raw prawn with us, especially with a surname like Gambaro.

Sounds to me like she's a bit banal retentive. What's wrong with a bit of sweat, darl', as long as it reflects an honest day's toil? But, being a politician, you'd be a bit clueless about that as well.

As usual, the deliciously miscast Opposition Parliamentary Secretary for Citizenship and Settlement is claiming that the media has quoted her out of context. We are such naughty little possums, are we not; forever gathering out of context quotes and lining the Facebook wall with them.

Poor old Brizzie, as if it hasn't got enough to contend with — without having a Class A drongo like Teresa Gambaro as its Federal MP. And to think that Tony L'Abbott thinks that Teresa's matured enough to be the Shadow Parliamentary Secretary for International Development. That tells me how little, Little Tony, thinks about that portfolio!

And cop her maiden speech:

"I would like to take this opportunity to pay respect to my father, a proud Italian Australian. Domenic Gambaro, like so many Italian immigrants from the war and immediate post-war years, hoped to forge a better life for himself in a new land after seeing the horror and the havoc that war had inflicted on his beloved homeland. He taught me the value of work. He was driven by the opportunities this country provided. He flourished in a country where the past and where you came from did not matter, and the efforts of your labours were rewarded.

“My father began as a farmhand in North Queensland, eager to make a start in Australia. His beginnings were humble but his dreams were not. From the toil of North Queensland, he was able to save to buy a small fish store in Petrie Terrace where, in accordance with a time-honoured tradition, other members of his family soon joined him in building what became a prosperous family seafood business that incorporated restaurants, wholesaling, exporting and retail. Together with my mother Rosetta, they are a wonderful partnership at work and at home.

“My mother Rosetta taught me the value of service to others, kindness, generosity and the value of family. They worked hard so that my two sisters, Elisa and Ida, and my brother, John, could have a better life. All this from two Italian immigrants who arrived in a distant and unfamiliar new country, armed with nothing more than optimism, an unstoppable work ethic and a genuine feeling of gratitude towards this country."

I've got some Italian mates, who are the same vintage as Domenic Gambaro. No way would they be anointing their manly armpits with the likes of Old Spice, Brut or Lynx. Even if the grandkids gave them as Christmas pressies.

They'd be using them as sprays to kill the garden snails.

Now, I'm what you might describe as a 'Mediterranean' type myself. Dark haired (I was, before I took to the dye bottle) but light-hearted.

I'm not frightened of male body hair, but then I have been known to give my boxer dog, Gumnut, mouth-to-mouth when the little darling had a fit.

I've got girlfriends and boyfriends who are hairy gits. I realise I am a flawed human being. But I'm not really fussed.

I am calling on Teresa to organise a Senate Select Committee so we can really thrash out this serious issue in the first session of Parliament. In fact, I want to see the wearing of deodorant become mandatory and written into our Constitution.

For a start, as an Orstralyan citizen, I demand to know what deodorants those ruddy Ethiopian women who decamp here are using to disguise the urine smell of their fistulas. I hope that Dr Catherine Hamlin, who I visited in Addis Ababa, supplies them with Rexona as they depart for our sweet smelling island Continent.

Crikey, never mind about foreign interlopers, what about our Indigenous Australians?  They need smartening up in this area, eh’ Teresa? What about a deodorant intervention?  What about withholding benefits until they use deodorants? Sounds only fair to me.

Teresa, you are wonderful. Thank you for being courageous enough to drop the ‘D’ bomb.

Please tell us, what do you use?

And while we're at it, do you spray...you know...down there? Where do you stand, or squat, on feminine hygiene?

Spray or powder? And Teresa, what about waxing? Do you favour the 'landing strip?'

I'm mindful that partners don't necessarily enjoy a gobful of aluminium (as contained in many deodorants) during cunnilingus. I personally wouldn't have a clue, but I do read a lot! Mostly parliamentary maiden speeches…

But I do want you to be my new best friend, Teresa. I look upon you as a Sista. Yours is the single most significant political utterance of 2012.

I think I have a bit of a girlie crush on you. Please tell me what deodorant you use, so I can learn to be more like you.

And I hope there is soon a political coup and that you replace that hairy Tony L'Abbott.

You are clearly Prime Ministerial material by any measure, Dear Teresa. From henceforth, let the armpits be the electoral litmus test. You bring a whole new meaning to the hair of the dog.

Before any politician should covet the Upper House, we the People, should examine their Upper Lip.

Unless politicians pass the sniff test, they should remain on the nose of the Australian people.

We may joke about this, but this is the calibre of political debate from our politicians.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Recent articles by Tess Lawrence
#7 TOP STORY OF 2021: The night Porter and allegations of rape

The horrifying rape allegations against Christian Porter proved to one of the ...  
The night Porter and allegation of rape

Attorney-General Christian Porter deserves the backlash received from the public ...  
Trump impeachment: He's so bad they did it twice

The destruction of democracy in the Capitol on January 6, live-streamed by proud ...  
Join the conversation
comments powered by Disqus

Support IAIndependent Australia

Subscribe to IA and investigate Australia today.

Close Subscribe Donate