Barnaby Joyce paraded his family in Rupert Murdoch's The Australian newspaper less than a year ago. Now he claims to be concerned about their privacy. (Image screenshot via @TheMurdochTimes)

It is a scientific miracle that Barnaby Joyce, a man with no balls, has apparently conceived his fifth child.

Well, we think it’s his fifth. That’s the minimum, anyway.

On 18 March 2017, get that date, The Australian’s Trent Dalton, who that newspaper pumps as

'... a two-time Walkley Award winner; three-time Kennedy Award winner for excellence in NSW journalism and a four-time winner of the national News Awards Features Journalist of the Year. In 2011, he was named Queensland Journalist of the Year at the Clarion Awards for excellence in Queensland journalism',

knocked up an award-deserving, in-depth look at the inner workings of Barnaby and his obviously beloved family.

Check this bit of prose:

'He’s Odysseus from his beloved Homer, always taking the long way home, finally walking through the front door to find his daughters have swapped their Ken dolls for smartphones and their smartphones for boyfriends. Apologies for lateness lost all meaning long ago. The worst bit was when they stopped waiting altogether. “I hate it,” he says. “In the end they give up on you. They just don’t think you’re going to be there.”'

Can you blame them?

Within four months of this piece – and probably way before – Barnaby was on the external nest.

Trust, bro.

Any politician who arranges for a journo, any journo, from any media outlet, to interview his family cannot then claim his or her family life is private.

It’s just not.

A statement issued by Mrs Natalie Joyce said, in part:

“The situation is devastating, for my girls who are affected by the family breakdown and for me as a wife of 24 years who placed my own career on hold to support Barnaby through his political life."

Barnaby hung his family out to dry for his own political gain.

Now he is whinging.

I’m sorry mate, but any bleating you do about the sanctity of family privacy is just pissing in the wind.

You are the one who exposed them to scrutiny they certainly did not want. It is all totally down to you.

Man up. Protect them.

All Barnaby’s sanctimonious, doe-eyed contrition about "my private life" is just crap sprouted by a man too weak to face reality.

And, Barnaby, you are one lucky duck.

Remember Mt Isa?  

There is an awful lot in Barnaby’s past.

We are talking leopards and spots here.

The Tele’s Sharri Markson is sure Ms Campion’s child is due in April. How does she know that? Only by being informed by someone who knew.

And that person would be – ta da! – Ms Campion, a former NewsCorp employee herself.

In the real world, maybe not one inhabited by Barney, it would take only a bit longer than a month for a pregnancy test.

That is, the results must have been known sometime in August.

Oops.

But does Barney share the good news with the voters of New England?

No way.

And why?

Because a lot of them, especially the mythical salt-of-the-earth types, will think he is a prick and and might not vote for him.

And why would you vote for a bloke who hangs his family out to dry?

A man with no balls.

Good luck, Vikki.

Sydney bureau chief Ross Jones is a licensed private enquiry agent. You can follow Ross on Twitter @RPZJones.

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This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Australia License

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