For many of us, the pre-Christmas period is about fulfilling social obligations to attend frivolous parties rather than to spend time with loved ones, writes John Longhurst.
MICK MOVED THROUGH the clientele of the front bar of the pub, pausing to wish friends, foes and even strangers a Merry Christmas with a Bobby Dazzler smile and a warm handshake.
'Jingle Bells' punished the patrons’ ears.
By the time Mick had reached the bar table, his Santa cap tottered on his head and he wiped away beads of perspiration with the back of his hand.
He heaved himself onto the bar stool, let out a deep sigh and took a decent drink of the offered schooner:
“Well cheers, Bazza… that’s Christmas party number five out of the way.”
Bazza shook his head and took a measured sip, as Mick pulled out his mobile phone and opened the diary app:
“Okay… Bazza, four more parties to go, including a fitmas party at the gym.”
Bazza screwed his eyes:
“But… but Mick, you haven’t been to the gym since January, following your much talked about New Year’s resolution.”
Mick raised an eyebrow:
“Well, it has been a busy year, Bazza, but it would be bloody rude to miss it.”
Mick’s eyes returned to his phone:
“Now Bazza, I am in three 'secret Santas' and even a 'sorry Santa' this year.”
Bazza raised an eyebrow:
“A ‘sorry Santa’ is when you give someone a gift you know they don’t want and they do not have to pretend to like it. It is a good one for regifting.”
Bazza shook his head as Mick scrolled his phone:
I’ve also got four Christmas barbecues to attend, Bazza, including the annual one at the "Alternate’s" place. I hate that one as it is dead boring. I can list the topics that will be up for discussion.
The first 15 minutes on Bohemian Breeze’s latest diet, 20 minutes of boasting about the achievements of their high flying granddaughter now saving the planet with some greenie organisation in New York, thirty minutes on the latest trends in yoga and the rest on climate change. To top it off, they are vegetarians, so it’s not really a barbecue anyway. I am glad it is only once a year.
Bazza chuckled:
“Why bother, Mick?”
Mick leaned in and his Santa cap tipped towards his schooner:
“Because it is traditional, Bazza. It is important to see everyone before 25 December to wish them all the best. Now if you don’t do it, well, you will not be invited next year. I will end up like you with hardly any Christmas invitations.”
Bazza leaned back:
That’s a bit rough, Mick. I just like to catch up with people I like or need to see. That might be daily, weekly or whenever. Setting a date seems a bit pointless. All this contrived bonhomie at Christmas time is disingenuous. It is a bit like me accepting an invitation to Mrs Weatherspoon-Jones' Christmas Ball and raising a glass to King Charles.
Mick bristled and his Santa cap stood to attention:
“You are dreaming, Bazza. That is a black tie event and your idea of formal dress is an ironed singlet.”
John Longhurst is a former industrial advocate and political adviser. He currently works as an English and History teacher on the South Coast of NSW.
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