Culture wars: Roberts-Smith, Berejiklian and... the Australian cricket team

"Know all Ron’s" long defence of Ben Roberts-Smith met nods of agreement and encouraged him to pause, stretch his back and deepen his voice.

“So there you go… let’s call it for what it is… tall poppy syndrome… the bloke won a Victoria Cross… so of course he is innocent. I am going to stand with Ben Roberts-Smith”.

"Hear hears" all round and Mick took a sip of his schooner:

“You are spot on as usual, Ron. Let’s drink to that.”

Four schooners froze mid air and four stares were trained on Bazza’s stationary glass.

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Bazza broke the silence with a clearing of his throat:

“Nah… The bloke was not even on trial. In fact, it was a defamation suit he initiated and it backfired big time. It went for 110 days and a judgement of 736 pages. It gets summarised and tossed around in a media frenzy and we all become instant experts.”

An awkward silence before "know all Ron" leaned in:

“So you’re against a war hero, Bazza? Bloody disappointing!”

Some audible "tut… tuts" spurred on "know all Ron".

“The system is at fault. The same applies to the ICAC finding on poor Gladys Berejiklian…”

Nods of agreement and the conversation became animated about the former Premier. Her performance during the bushfires and COVID-19 lockdowns praised and her choice of boyfriend identified as her only fault.

Mick held up the conversation and fixed Bazza in his stare:

“Well… let’s raise a glass to Gladys’ innocence.”

Bazza again refused and Mick’s face reddened:

Nah… Mick. Again, it’s a 700 odd page ruling after months of consideration of evidence we only get a glimpse of… I mean what’s the point of a legal system based on precedent, hopefully well considered laws, rights of appeal and highly trained legal minds or an ICAC with sweeping investigative powers to unearth evidence if it is overruled by four schooners of pub opinion? Why bother with the new The National Anti-Corruption Commission when all the expertise is in the front bar of this pub?

A very long pause before Mick sucked in a deep breath through gritted teeth.

“Ahhh… let’s talk about the second Ashes test at Lords and Alex Carey’s stumping of Jonny Bairstow… Unless you have a contrary view on that one, Bazza?”

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The conclusion of the NSW ICAC determined former Premier Gladys Berejiklian had engaged in serious corruption, yet she has escaped criminal charges.

Bazza leaned back to take in the four stares, sipped his schooner and smiled.

“Same principle, Mick. The umpires were best qualified to apply the rules of the game rather than the gin soaked mob in the Lord’s Long Room. The same rule applies whether Alex Carey knocks the bails off from a metre or ten metres from behind the stumps… so howzat?”

Mick let out a long sigh.

“Ahhhh… finally something we can all drink to… the Australian Cricket Team.”

John Longhurst is a former industrial advocate and political adviser. He currently works as an English and History teacher on the South Coast of NSW.