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Source says federal election to be called on weekend

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A source close to the Prime Minister reports that she is on the verge of announcing the federal election.

Gillard source: "really sure"


THE HIGHLY respected source, who refused to be named, said that the election will be called sometime on the weekend, probably on Saturday.

The source, who regularly plays tennis with a cleaner at the school of the daughter of one of the Prime Minister’s primary school-friends, says her information is iron-clad.

“I’m pretty sure the election will be called on Saturday,” said the source.

“In fact, I’m like totally really sure,” she said.

In related news, the Canberra press gallery today admitted in a statement that they really had “no idea at all” when the election might be held.

The statement went on to say that it was necessary for them to continue to make unfounded statements on the subject in order to justify their over-inflated salaries.

Julia Gillard: hair colour definitely red


They have called for public calm about the issue.

“People keep on asking us all the time when the election is going to be held and it’s really making us feel very tense,” said the press gallery.

“We really just wish people would chill out about the election,” they said.

“Parliament sits for almost half the year: when it’s in recess is almost the only time we get to do such things as take overseas holidays, go skiing, book into rehab, or play tennis.”

In other news, according to several reports, the Prime Minister’s hair really is red.  
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