Peter Dutton: A Humbug in the lolly shop of life

Over a few beers, Bazza serves up some sweet wisdom for Mick on Peter Dutton and the Opposition.

MICK SAT ALONE at the bar table, peered into his full schooner and sighed. He rotated it a few times and shook his head as Bazza joined him.

Bazza nodded a thanks for the offered schooner and took a generous sip:

“You seem a bit glum, Mick... anything to do with the election results?”

Mick rubbed his chin and rotated his schooner again:

"Ahhhh… Bazza. I sent that email to Dutts and the boys following our chat a while back with a bit of advice about the need for some diversity in our representation. I am bloody disappointed. Nothing has changed. We now have the whole mainland governed by Labor. Crikey, in NSW, half of the Government is now female."

Slow implosion of Liberal Party accelerates under Dutton

The Liberal Party, under Dutton, is completely out of step with modern Australia and it is no surprise that it is rapidly imploding.

Mick rotated his beer one more time and Bazza grinned:

"That beer will taste the same from whatever angle you drink, Mick. Not only is half the Government female, but for the first time, we have new ministers taking their oaths using the 'Koran' and the 'Bhagavad Gita'. It has taken about three decades of reform to get a NSW parliament looking more like its constituency."

Mick finally took a sip:

"Three decades, Bazza… that’s a bloody long time to be ruled by your mates.”

A long pause:

“Maybe Dutts got your advice about diversity of representation a bit mixed up with diversity of opinion?”

Mick raised his eyebrows:

“You see, Mick… the current Opposition is a bit like the old lolly shop, offering a treat to satisfy every kid.”

Mick shook his head and took a sip.

Bazza ran his hand across his mouth to conceal a grin:

You have the very hard-to-eat Choo Choo Bars and Cobbers like Senator Rennick from Queensland, who uses his grade eight science to counter the views of CSIRO chief executive Dr Larry Marshall – who only has a PhD in physics – on global warming. You also have the majority of the Opposition content to suck on Humbugs for the moment and see what happens.

Racism runs through Dutton's 'dog act' in Alice Springs

Opposition leader Peter Dutton this week made serious allegations about Indigenous communities in Alice Springs. Again, he failed to provide evidence to back up his spurious, race-based claims.

Mick groaned:

“You are no help, Bazza.”

Bazza smiled:

Ahhh… all is not lost, Mick. I would compare Bridget Archer, Liberal MP from Tasmania, to my favourite — Musk sticks. They always stood out in a mixed bag of lollies with almost an honesty to their sweetness. So, there you go… the Coalition has a lolly for every taste bud at the moment. John Howard always said the Liberal Party is a broad church. I guess Dutts has made it into a cavernous cathedral.

Mick sucked in a deep breath:

“Enough about bloody lollies, Bazza. What should Dutts do about his position on The Voice referendum?”

Bazza finished his schooner and leaned in:

“I would not be writing any more emails to him, Mick. Send him a few boxes of Musk sticks.”

John Longhurst is a former industrial advocate and political adviser. He currently works as an English and History teacher on the South Coast of NSW.