Trump triumph? It's the end of the world as we know it

Bazza and Mick find themselves on a sticky wicket regarding The Donald... and they're not talking about Bradman.

Mick’s teeth beamed brighter than a LED light bar on a moonless night and his head oscillated like a sideshow alley laughing clown as he wended his way through the front bar.

He landed the schooners and raised his forefinger, waited for the chorus to the song ‘It’s the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine)' by R.E.M. and sang along:

"It's the end of the world as we know it
It's the end of the world as we know it
It's the end of the world as we know it
And I feel fine."

“There you go, Bazza. I requested this song as an early celebration of Donald Trump’s win. Not long now and we will all be living the dream.”

An ashen-faced Bazza screwed his eyes as the verses of the song gathered pace and reverberated around the bar like an escaped pinball.

“He is referred to as a convicted felon in the United States, Mick. In Australia, we would call him a criminal or a bloody crook and chase him out of parliament. Either Americans have no faith in their justice system or have a streak of forgiveness beyond my comprehension.”

Bazza took a sip of his schooner and eyed the gathering storm clouds through the front window, as Mick chuckled.

“You are being mean and nasty, Bazza… and not very smart. You are coming across as a total loser and a victim of fake news. The Donald is being persecuted by elites and low lives… you know… your mates.”

Mick paused for a sip of his schooner.

“Come next week, Bazza and it all changes. No more of this wokeism. No more of this political correctness. People will be able to say what they like and in full knowledge their lifestyle will no longer be threatened by foreigners.”

The blood drained from Bazza’s face and he motioned to speak, but Mick raised the volume.

“No… no… Bazza… listen up. China needs to be pulled into line and by next weekend, the war in the Middle East and the Ukraine will be over.”

Bazza gritted his teeth and leaned in.

“But how, Mick? Where are the policies in the bile he spruiks?”

Mick eyeballed Bazza and sighed.

"You are so old school, Bazza! Policies… ha... what you need is a good slogan. Kamala Harris does not have a slogan that resonates with the people, whereas The Donald is going to ‘Make America Great Again'. It’s all about believing… the vibe, if you like. Why would people like Elon Musk get behind him if it was not true?”

Mick paused as a jackpot screeched from a poker machine.

“For Australia… it begins with the Donald back in the White House followed up with Dutts in the Lodge after next year’s Election. You need to work out where you are going to sit with all these changes, Bazza.”

Bazza rubbed the back of his head.

“Well, Mick… I will be locked in the Situation Room.”

John Longhurst is a former industrial advocate and political adviser. He currently works as an English and History teacher on the South Coast of NSW.