LOGIN
Health

Science Watch: Get a go-have a go disease can be terminal

By | | comments
(Image by Allan Foster / Flickr)

Two new and virulent diseases within the cluster of delusional disorders are attacking susceptible populations. Sue Stevenson brings us the latest scientific updates.

"GET A GO-HAVE A GO" disease (GAGHAG) shares many characteristics with the mouth disease, "HLAL" (Hockey's lifters and leaners). Both are invariably found together in susceptible patient populations.

Both diseases begin as moral weaknesses within the cluster of delusional disorders known as "TTINS" syndrome (Thatcher's there is no society syndrome), which is found in economically rich populations and, incomprehensibly, in some middle and lower class populations also. A diet high in ambition and privilege and low in beta-glucans, community, systems thinking and economic understanding creates the perfect breeding ground for the weakness to take hold in the ego.

Advances in modern human bullshit detecting technology have shown one subset of patients for whom the disease progresses most quickly from moral weakness to a chronic, irreversible biological disease. While most GAGHAG disease states are chronic by the mid-20s, irreversible progression has been found in patients of the same age who have been involved in both the fields of law/finance and politics.

This subset capitulates quickly, via a cellular mechanism known as "revolving door granuloma". It seems that once the body's lazy entitlement cells come in contact with the governing cells and big business cells, the three-way interaction causes an instant hardening of the cells of the heart. Once the patient moves from their elite government position to an elite corporate position, the condition is declared inoperable as spiritual death is known to have occurred a long time prior.

Treatment for non-politician sufferers is complex and involves comprehensive economic retraining, with extensive focus on communities and gift economies of the past, followed by a heart operation called "Buddha's Awakening" — such as the one performed on the former hedge fund manager Teddy in the video below.

This is followed by an operation to remove the E. coli bacteria substrain, "bullshittius", which has embedded itself in the tissues of the mouth and larynx in HLAL. The sample size of people who have been through the process is too small to be statistically significant.

Many GAGHAG/HLAL patients are unable to accept that they have a disease at all and the condition has an extremely high, 93 per cent, morbidity rate, which blows out to 99 per cent in the law/finance/politician subset.

You can read more from Sue Stevenson here.

Support independent journalism Subscribe to IA.

 
Recent articles by Sue Stevenson
Science Watch: Get a go-have a go disease can be terminal

Two new and virulent diseases within the cluster of delusional disorders are ...  
Dear Liberal Party of Australia (Victorian Division)

Sue Stephenson pens a reply to a Liberal Party early election campaign email ...  
Q&A: Deep questions, inch-thick answers and the public square we need

Does anyone else find Q&A's format frustrating because questions aren't given suf ...  
Join the conversation
comments powered by Disqus