Satire Opinion

Big policy ideas that improve lives — Tim Walz nails it

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(Photo by Gage Skidmore | Flickr)

Mick's challenge leaves Bazza struggling to name a signature reform or big policy idea from Albo  but he reckons Tim Walz has the right idea.

“There is no point hiding behind your schooner, Bazza. Come on… name one thing Albo has actually done since being elected that has made our lives better. I mean he is a good bloke and I am sure he could yarn away in the pub all afternoon.”

Mick paused for a sip of his schooner and Bazza motioned to speak.

“Now Bazza… you’re a good bloke but you would be a lousy prime minister. You would be backing every fringe or alternate idea whilst tip-toeing around the hard decisions so you don’t offend all your soft lefty mates. Come on… name one thing he has done.”

Bazza rubbed his chin and clicked his tongue.

‘"Well…Mick, I guess the stage three tax cuts count.”

Mick spluttered his beer.

“Stage three tax cuts… are you joking, Bazza? The stage three tax cuts were not a signature reform. Giving people back money the government has taken from them, only to be swallowed up by cost of living increases anyway, does not excite anyone for long. No one remembers tax cuts. People remember big policy ideas like Medicare, the gun laws, superannuation and the NDIS because they change lives.”

Mick chuckled.

“Bazza… who would have thought all that feel-good popularity after the last election would amount to nought reform? I think Tim Walz, the Democrat’s Vice President nomination for the upcoming U.S. election nailed it when he said ‘You don't win elections to bank political capital — you win elections to burn capital and improve lives’.”

Bazza screwed his eyes, took another sip and leaned in.

“We really should be talking about the finals in the footy, Mick.”

Mick scoffed out loud.

“Nah… you do not get off that lightly, Bazza. I reckon this term of government is a bit like a kid’s birthday party gone wrong.”

Bazza’s eyes darted around the bar and he gritted his teeth.

“You see, Bazza… election night was like the start of the party. All the kids are happy scoffing lollies and sipping the red cordial. Everything is set for a fun afternoon and the birthday boy, Albo, could not be happier. The once hostile migrant neighbours are even willing to join the fun.”

Bazza shifted on his bar stool and his hand cradled his forehead.

“So it is all going well, Bazza… until an uninvited guest and neighbourhood bully turns up at the celebration, criticises some of the games and promises a better party on his birthday. Well… the birthday boy is keen to stay popular and makes changes to his party in accordance with the suggestions and even promises a much better one next year.”

Bazza glowered.

“Okay… okay… enough Mick.”

Mick’s face beamed.

"Ahhh…almost there Bazza. Anyhow, the party guests are bored with this turn of events and agree with the uninvited guest that it would be fun to swap the piñata for the birthday boy. The uninvited guest is happy to hand out baseball bats instead of sticks.”

John Longhurst is a former industrial advocate and political adviser. He currently works as an English and History teacher on the South Coast of NSW.

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