IA reporter Rocky Dabscheck stumbles across Pauline Hanson’s bed and breakfast in his search for a Queensland winter getaway.
PH: Please explain your reason for calling this number.
IA: Is that the Hanson B&B?
PH: Yes it is. And I don’t lie.
IA: Good. I’m looking at getting away from The Melbourne winter chill and coming up north for a few weeks in June.
PH: Very smart. Denying the climate, so to speak.
IA: Do you have any available rooms in June from the 14th till the 26th? And, how much?
PH: Depends on the room you want. Single. Double.
IA: Hang on. I know that voice. Am I speaking to Pauline Hanson of One Nation fame?
PH: Yes, you are? Who am I speaking with?
IA: Paul Roberts.
PH: Good. Just had to make sure you weren’t an Akbal or Yusuf. I’m sure you understand.
IA: Oh yeah. Sort of.
PH: Don’t get me wrong. I don’t have a racist bone in my body. I don’t mind employing a muzzie to clean the rooms or the pool, but as far as being a guest, if you come from one of the seven nations Trump has banned, well, you’re not getting a room at my B and B. We don’t want to be over-run. It’s vegemite at breakfast here. Not Halal.
Be More Like Pauline Hanson: How To Halal-Proof Your Easterhttps://t.co/LqWEwdkhkG pic.twitter.com/qUtQqLCBxM
— SBS Comedy (@SBSComedy) April 12, 2017
IA: OK. I’m after a room with a queen size bed, and a spa.
PH: Excellent choice. That comes in at the very affordable rate of $150 per night. Breakfast included of course.
Will you be wanting the room to have a view of the pool?
IA: Why not?
PH: Good. That brings it up to $180 per night. Would you like your own personalised meal menus?
IA: Sounds good.
PH: I’ll get my assistant, James Ashby, to print them up for you. That brings the rate up to $350 per night.
IA: That’s getting up a bit, but it is a special occasion for my wife and I.
PH: Are you driving up from Melbourne, or flying?
IA: Flying.
PH: Wonderful. We’re 80k’s from the airport. I can get James to pick you up in the light plane we don’t actually own.
IA: That’s very considerate of you.
PH: For 2 of you, that will be an extra $700 each, but it is money well spent.
IA: That’s pushing it up a bit. But, what the heck! I want to make it a magical time for her.
And still...no explanation over that pesky little plane from Pauline Hanson and James Ashby...tick tock tick tock... https://t.co/XnymAxSPFn
— Caro Meldrum-Hanna (@caromeldrum) April 12, 2017
PH: We have all ABC channels blocked on our TV’s and radios. If you want them unblocked it will be an extra $50 per night, so that brings it up to $400 a night.
IA: I'm sure I can survive without the ABC for a few weeks.
PH: I like you. Have you ever considered standing for Parliament? I’m looking for someone to head our Senate ticket in Victoria. Would you be interested?
IA: Well, I don’t have any experience in that area.
PH: Don’t you worry about that. We will provide you with all the support and materials you’ll need. We’ll discuss it when you’re here.
IA: Sure. I suppose.
PH: Good. It will be an extra $5,000, plus a little more for James’ services. That will bring the cost up to around $10,600, plus extra for meals, other than breakfast, plus all your drinks.
IA: Now it is getting a bit exxie. I’ll have to think about it. Can I call you back tomorrow?
PH: Of course you can Paul. One final thing. Where do I send the invoice to?
IA: For what?
PH: For today. I am the leader of a major political party and people have to pay for my time. You have been lobbying me.
IA: Oh. Right.
Rocky Dabscheck is a musician/songwriter and front person for Rocky and The Two Bob Millionaires. He is also author of Stoney Broke and The Hi-Spenders.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Australia License
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Some very funny responses to Pauline.
— David Marler (@Qldaah) April 11, 2017
⚡️ “Pauline Hanson wants to boycott halal Easter eggs”https://t.co/WIS1QnIAaN
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