The Turnbull Government continues to make cuts to the ABC. (Image via

The ABC has decreed that from 8 August, transcripts from Aunty's radio programs will be cut. As these are a major source of column-fodder used by desk jockeys and pollies, some time journo now scuba-diver, Richard Koser, has stepped up.

"Their" ABC transcripts

Fran Kelly: Treasurer, would you like to say something coherent?

Scott Morrison: No Fran, I thought I would start off shouty and then slip into passive-aggressive sullenness. Is that okay with you?

FK: Don’t let me stop you.

(sounds of furniture being destroyed)


Fran Kelly: Richard Di Natale, the Greens got spanked like a monkey at this election, losing a senator and failing in your bid to win any more lower house seats.

Richard Di Natale: Well Fran, that’s a very good point you make, but let me remind you and your listeners that we came very close to taking…

Fran Kelly: And now Bob Brown is throwing rocks at Lee Rhiannon. WTF?

Richard Di Natale: Fran, I don’t think it’s helpful…

Fran Kelly: I haven’t finished interrupting you.

Richard Di Natale: Sorry.


Fran Kelly: Malcolm Roberts, you’ve become a Queensland senator for Pauline Hanson’s One Nation party. I understand you think government is evil and the United Nations is faking climate change in order to give everyone on Earth a rectal exam. Will you be filling out the census?

Malcolm Roberts: First. Of, All: I deny that EYE am the Person U refer to as “Malcolm Roberts”.

Fran Kelly: We don’t do punctuation on radio.

Malcolm Roberts: O.

Fran Kelly: Moving on from who you are, can you confirm that you are a total nutbag who squeezed into the senate because there are a lot of angry Queenslanders who can’t think without moving their lips but they’ve seen Pauline Hanson on Dancing With The Stars?

Malcolm Roberts: Can you hear something? It sounds like someone’s in my head! I can’t talk right now, I think they’re recording me!! I have to get to the bunker!!!

(dial tone)


Fran Kelly: Foreign minister, how are you enjoying the Olympics?

Julie Bishop: 

Fran Kelly: How would you describe the situation in Syria right now?

Julie Bishop:    

Fran Kelly: Thank you for your time.

Julie Bishop:   


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