The ABC has decreed that from 8 August, transcripts from Aunty's radio programs will be cut. As these are a major source of column-fodder used by desk jockeys and pollies, some time journo now scuba-diver, Richard Koser, has stepped up.
"Their" ABC transcripts
Fran Kelly: Treasurer, would you like to say something coherent?
Scott Morrison: No Fran, I thought I would start off shouty and then slip into passive-aggressive sullenness. Is that okay with you?
FK: Don’t let me stop you.
(sounds of furniture being destroyed)
Fran Kelly: Richard Di Natale, the Greens got spanked like a monkey at this election, losing a senator and failing in your bid to win any more lower house seats.
Richard Di Natale: Well Fran, that’s a very good point you make, but let me remind you and your listeners that we came very close to taking…
Fran Kelly: And now Bob Brown is throwing rocks at Lee Rhiannon. WTF?
Richard Di Natale: Fran, I don’t think it’s helpful…
Fran Kelly: I haven’t finished interrupting you.
Richard Di Natale: Sorry.
Fran Kelly: Malcolm Roberts, you’ve become a Queensland senator for Pauline Hanson’s One Nation party. I understand you think government is evil and the United Nations is faking climate change in order to give everyone on Earth a rectal exam. Will you be filling out the census?
Malcolm Roberts: First. Of, All: I deny that EYE am the Person U refer to as “Malcolm Roberts”.
Fran Kelly: We don’t do punctuation on radio.
Malcolm Roberts: O.
Fran Kelly: Moving on from who you are, can you confirm that you are a total nutbag who squeezed into the senate because there are a lot of angry Queenslanders who can’t think without moving their lips but they’ve seen Pauline Hanson on Dancing With The Stars?
Malcolm Roberts: Can you hear something? It sounds like someone’s in my head! I can’t talk right now, I think they’re recording me!! I have to get to the bunker!!!
Fran Kelly: Foreign minister, how are you enjoying the Olympics?
Fran Kelly: How would you describe the situation in Syria right now?
Fran Kelly: Thank you for your time.
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